IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that adults should be responsible for saving money for their own future, while others think that this could have negative effects on their lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is essential for
people
Use synonyms
 to take care of their financial situation
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
adults
Use synonyms
.
Adults
Use synonyms
 should save
money
Use synonyms
 earlier to reduce the financial pressure.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
agreement
Correct article usage
the agreement
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 and disagreement
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 claim and
evident
Replace the word
evidence
show examples
 it with examples. A significant proportion of individuals hold the view that
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
apply
show examples
should be responsible for saving
money
Use synonyms
 for their own future.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
adults
Use synonyms
 should find their own ways to save
money
Use synonyms
. There are many effective ways that ensure the
consistent
Replace the word
consistency
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 saving
money
Use synonyms
 until
reach
Replace the word
reaching
show examples
 goals.
Firstly
Linking Words
, setting aside around 25% of someone's salary, even if it is small,
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
year
Punctuation problem
year,
show examples
adults
Use synonyms
 will find that it is worth it and continue to save it.
For example
Linking Words
, if
adults
Use synonyms
' pay is around 5000 riyals, the cutoff will be 300 riyals .
Secondly
Linking Words
, opening a
bank
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 account and seeking
for
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apply
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suitable savings
money
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 offers from the
bank
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depending
Punctuation problem
, depending
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 on your financial situation
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as Alrajhi
bank
Use synonyms
 offers a savings account to save 300 riyals, not allowing you to use it until you call the
bank
Use synonyms
 to transfer it to your current
bank
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 hold the belief that
this
Linking Words
 will impact adult
growing
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 in many aspects
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 their sleeping and eating.Adult sleeping will be affected by
this
Linking Words
 issue because they will think about how to save
money
Use synonyms
 before sleeping and
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 the
deepness
Check wording
depth
show examples
 of their sleep and
then
Linking Words
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to a serious health problem called insomnia. Eating is another aspect impacted by that issue.If
youth
Use the right word
young
show examples
people
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 are busy looking
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 different sources of
Use synonyms
money
Punctuation problem
money,
show examples
 that means they will skip
meals
Fix the agreement mistake
meal
show examples
 times
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
day
Punctuation problem
day,
show examples
 they will sleep from being tired. In conclusion,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is crucial to save
money
Use synonyms
 to achieve goals without worrying
the
Change preposition
about the
show examples
 youngest because it is badly impacting their sleeping, eating and life in general.

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structure
Plan your essay with a clear path: one paragraph for the idea that adults should save, one paragraph for the idea that saving has limits, and one final paragraph with your own view.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas go together and to show change of view, for example: 'however', 'but', 'also', 'in addition', 'for this reason'.
examples
Make points easy to see. Give a real, small example that fits the idea and explain it.
grammar
Short, clear sentences help. Check spelling and grammar.
task
Be clear on your own view at the end and stay with it.
content
There is a clear idea that saving money can be good.
examples
The essay uses some numbers and concrete details.
structure
Some attempt to talk about both sides is shown.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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