IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people believe that children should be taught the importance of saving money at a young age. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Some people think that
children
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 should be taught the importance of saving
money
Use synonyms
 at a young age. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea because, when they grow up, they will not face financial problems, and it will teach them responsible spending habits. On the one hand, one of the most important aspects of teaching
children
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 how to save
money
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 is that they will not face financial problems after they graduate from high school.
This
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 is because the
money
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 that they have been saving since they were
children
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 will be spent on university.
As a result
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, they will not face a financial problem by taking a loan from the bank to study at the university.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 a statistic published in 2019, 19
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 of
children
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 who were taught how to save
money
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 since they were
children
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 and spent it on school lived a better financial life when they were in university
compared
Punctuation problem
, compared
show examples
 to their
peers
Punctuation problem
peers,
show examples
 because they were paying for school from their savings.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, teaching
children
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 how saving
money
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 is important is a great idea because they can learn how and where they should spend
money
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because they know that
money
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 is important, so they will not spend their
money
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 on useless items.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 PWC, 20
percent
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per cent
show examples
 of adults who were not taught how to save
money
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 spend
money
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 on useless items because they do not know that it is important. In conclusion, I believe that every child should be taught the importance of saving
money
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, because they will live a better life when they grow up.

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structure
Put one main idea in each paragraph and keep each sentence on that idea.
coherence
Use clear links like and, but, also, so to show how ideas go together.
accuracy
Check facts. If you add numbers or claims, be sure they are right or say 'for example' clearly.
grammar
Use short and simple sentences. This helps the reader and the ear.
conclusion
Finish with a short rest of your view in your last sentence.
purpose
The view is clear and kept in the essay.
content
There are two clear ideas put forward.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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