it is more important on spend public money on promoting a health lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is
offen
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often
argue
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argued
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that governments should prioritise funding for health promotion and
ilness
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illness
prevention rather than for treating patients. I agree to a large extent that preventive
measuers
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measures
are more beneficial for society,
althout
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although
treatment
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service
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services
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are still essential.
Firstly
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, preventing illness can significantly
reduse
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reduce
the
overall
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healthcare costs for a country. When citizens adopt healthier lifestyles
tghrough
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through
balance
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balanced
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diets, regular exercise , and avoiding harmful habits
such
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us
Use the right word
as
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smoking, they are less likely to develop chronic
disease
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diseases
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like diabetes or heart disease.
This
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means that the government will spend less money on expensive medical treatments and hospital facilities.
Moreover
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, a healthy population is more productive, which can boost the economy and improve the quality of life.
In addition
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, public health campaigns and education programmes can
infuence
Correct your spelling
influence
people's behaviour from a young age.
For example
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, teaching schoolchildren about nutrition and fitness helps them develop healthy habits that
last
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a lifetime.
Similarly
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, public awareness campaigns about the dangers of alcohol and tobacco have been proven to reduce their consumption.
Therefore
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, focusing on prevention tackles the root cause of many illnesses, rather than just
adressing
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addressing
the symptoms.
However
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, it would be unrealistic to ignore
treatment
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altogethr
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altogether
. Even with the best preventive measures, some people will inevitably fall ill
due to
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genetic conditions,
acidents
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accidents
, or infectious diseases. In
such
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case
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a case
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, providing high-quality medical care is vital to save lives and reduce suffering. Without adequate
treatment
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facilities, public trust in the healthcare system could decline. In conclusion, I strongly believe that governments should allocate more resources to
promotinfg
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promoting
a
health
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healthy
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lifestyle and preventing illness, as
this
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aprroach
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approach
is more cost-effective and beneficial for society in the long run.
Nevertheless
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, adequate funding for medical
treatment
Use synonyms
must
also
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be maintained to ensure that those who are already ill receive proper care.

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task
Your view is clear and you give good reasons. To raise the score, add more strong points and specific facts, examples, or data for each reason.
coherence
Put the main idea in a clear topic sentence at the start of each paragraph. Use simple links like 'also', 'but', 'so' to show flow.
grammar
Correct spell and grammar errors so it is easy to read. Keep to simple, correct forms.
content
Clear main idea and stance on the issue.
coherence
Use of linking words to connect ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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