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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below shows the percentage of five kinds of books sold by a bookseller between 1972 and 2012.

The pie charts below shows the percentage of five kinds of books sold by a bookseller between 1972 and 2012.
The pie charts
compares
Correct subject-verb agreement
compare
show examples
 the percentage of five types of
books
Use synonyms
 sold by a bookseller between 1972 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
sales
Use synonyms
 of five types of
books
Use synonyms
exprienced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 different trends in the time period.
While
Linking Words
 the percentage of fiction
books
Use synonyms
 increased, the
sales
Use synonyms
 rate of biography, travel, and others decreased over the period. As the chart shows, the
sales
Use synonyms
 of adult fiction
books
Use synonyms
 started at 20%, and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 increased to 5% within 20 years.
However
Linking Words
, it reached the highest rate
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 45 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2012,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
witnessing significant growth. Children's fiction
books
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
exprienced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 an increase in the
40 year
Use the right word
40-year
show examples
 period. It began at 20% , and it increased slightly to 22% and 25% in 1992 and 2012, respectively.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the
sales
Use synonyms
 of biography
books
Use synonyms
exprienced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 a
stedy
Correct your spelling
steady
 decrease within 40 years. As the
sales
Use synonyms
biography
Change preposition
of biography
show examples
books
Use synonyms
 started at 20 per
cent
Use synonyms
 , it decreased to 15 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 1992.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 it reached a low of 8 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2012. The
sales
Use synonyms
 of travel
books
Use synonyms
 started at 15
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
, and it increased slightly to 18 per
cent
Use synonyms
 . Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a slight increase within 20 years , it
exprienced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 a significant decrease to 10% in 2012. Regarding the
sales
Use synonyms
 of other
books
Use synonyms
 , it began at 25%. But it witnessed a considerable decrease to 20 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and 12 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 1992 and 2012, respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words books, sales, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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