IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that the development of countries can lead to environmental damage, especially in terms of air and water quality. Discuss the causes and suggest possible solutions to address this issue.

In today's fast-paced era, economic growth often creates problems
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
. It is widely
believe
Wrong verb form
believed
show examples
 that
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 rapid development of nations can result in environmental degradation, particularly affecting the air
quality
Use synonyms
 and water resources.
This
Linking Words
 essay will shed light on the primary causes of
this
Linking Words
 problem and propose effective measures to mitigate its impact. One major cause is
industrialization
Use the right word
industrialisation
show examples
. Factories release
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 amount of toxic emissions
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the atmosphere, which leads to poor air
quality
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, untreated industrial
effeluent
Correct your spelling
effluent
 flows to
river
Fix the agreement mistake
rivers
show examples
 and lakes, deteriorating water
quality
Use synonyms
. Another factor is urban expansion. As
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 is rising, people use more vehicles, which
produces
Correct subject-verb agreement
produce
show examples
 harmful exhaust fumes,
while
Linking Words
 excessive construction disrupts natural waterways.
In addition
Linking Words
,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of strict environmental laws in developing nations often
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
 companies to exploit resources without considering
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
long term
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
 consequences. To address these issues,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should enforce stricter pollution control regulations.
For instance
Linking Words
, factories should be required to install
filteration
Correct your spelling
filtration
 systems to reduce harmful discharges.
Moreover
Linking Words
, investments in renewable energy sources can significantly cut down reliance on fossil fuels. On top of that, promoting public transportation and electric vehicles can lower carbon emissions. Public awareness campaigns can
also
Linking Words
 play a vital role by encouraging individuals to adopt eco-friendly practices. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the march of progress brings undeniable benefits, it
also
Linking Words
 poses severe threats to air and water
quality
Use synonyms
.By striking a balance between development and environmental protection, societies can ensure sustainable growth for future generations.

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structure
Plan your essay. Use a small plan: start with a line on the topic, say the aim, then give 2 or 3 causes and 2 or 3 fixes, then a short end line.
grammar
Be careful with subject and verb. Fix mistakes like 'the government should' and 'flows to rivers and lakes'. Check spellings and keep words simple.
content
Add more facts or clear examples to back each point. This makes the idea strong.
structure
Clear plan. The essay follows a set order with what causes and what fixes.
coherence
Use of link words helps flow in places.
content
The ending repeats the main idea of balance between growth and the earth.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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