IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

SomeSome people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is proposed by
protractors
Check wording
proponents
show examples
 that
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 of all ages should
lies
Wrong verb form
lie
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
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onus;
however
Linking Words
, detractors counter that more playtime should be provided to school-going children after
school-hours
Use the right word
school hours
show examples
. I am inclined to endorse
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both perspectives to a certain extent, which I will elaborate in forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Imposing
Fix capitalization
imposing
show examples
 a few obligations at an early age and throughout
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
;
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 can make a person more attentive and accountable towards
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 doings. To
explicit
Correct word choice
elaborate on
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this
Linking Words
, it is well known that 'responsibilities
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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 a real man', when an individual
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 some duties to perform alongside their daily chores, it makes a person
Correct article usage
a multi-tasker
show examples
multi-tasker
Use the right word
multitasker
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, which means paying attention to several tasks at
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same
time
Use synonyms
. A prime example is that, if parents make their children accountable to pay school fees, by handing over money to them, a child will be more careful about keeping it safe and learn about the
fees
Fix the agreement mistake
fee
show examples
 structure in schools
along with
Linking Words
 managing
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 to attend lectures. Supporters, on
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 side, contend that learners should be free after schooltime and should focus more on recreational pursuits. Leisure activities
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 in the proliferation of
overall
Linking Words
 development of kids. Spending
time
Use synonyms
 at school,
while
Linking Words
 being sedentary for most
part
Check wording
apply
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of the
day
Punctuation problem
day,
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 can make their life stressful and inactive.
Therefore
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, physical activities are proven to mitigate the stress and
replinishing
Correct your spelling
replenishing
 energy in kids, so they can go to educational
insitutions
Correct your spelling
institutions
 with a refreshed mind
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 day,
hence
Linking Words
 influx their focus in studies. Conclusively, I firmly believe that juveniles should be allocated free
time
Use synonyms
 after studies for their
all-round
Use the right word
all-around
show examples
 development
,
Punctuation problem
;
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nonetheless
Linking Words
,
accoutability
Correct your spelling
accountability
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 minor tasks
such
Linking Words
 as making up their beds or paying their own fees
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
can make them more responsible in life.

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task response
Make your view clear in the start and end of the essay.
coherence
Use one idea per para and start with a clear topic sentence.
task response
Give more real and clear examples to back each point.
content
The plan to look at both sides is seen.
content
The essay has a closing line that states a view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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