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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the price in Euros of four types of bread in one European country from 2001 to 2005

The chart below shows the price in Euros of four types of bread in one European country from 2001 to 2005
The line graph
illustrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrates
show examples
 four kinds of
bread
Use synonyms
 in terms of
price
Use synonyms
 in Euros in one European country between 2001 to 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
price
Use synonyms
 of wholegrain
bread
Use synonyms
 saw a
significantly
Replace the word
significant
show examples
 increase,
while
Linking Words
 rye
bread
Use synonyms
 had the lowest
price
Use synonyms
 over the period.
In addition
Linking Words
,
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two types of
bread
Use synonyms
 (Brown, white) had
the almost
Correct word order
almost the
show examples
 same prices. In 2001, the
price
Use synonyms
 of wholegrain
bread
Use synonyms
 was the most expensive among five types of
bread
Use synonyms
, at 0.8
Use synonyms
euro
Fix the agreement mistake
euros
show examples
. The
figure
Use synonyms
 for wholegrain
bread
Use synonyms
 increased
dramaticaly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 and reached the greatest
level
Use synonyms
, at approximately 1.8
Use synonyms
euro
Fix the agreement mistake
euros
show examples
 in 2001.
However
Linking Words
, from
this
Linking Words
 year the
figure
Use synonyms
 began to decline and dropped to
started
Wrong verb form
the starting
show examples
level
Use synonyms
 by 2005. The
price
Use synonyms
 for
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 three sorts of
bread
Use synonyms
 started at the same
level
Use synonyms
 in 2001,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
at around 0.6
Use synonyms
euro
Fix the agreement mistake
euros
show examples
.
Use synonyms
figure
Correct article usage
The figure
show examples
 for brown
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 considerably and reached the highest
level
Use synonyms
 of
price
Use synonyms
 compared to
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 kinds of
bread
Use synonyms
. The
Use synonyms
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 for white and rye saw a slight increase over the period at around 1.3 and 0.7
Use synonyms
euro
Fix the agreement mistake
euros
show examples
 respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words bread, price, euro, figure, level with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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