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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is now possible for scientists and tourist to travel to remote natural environments, such as the South Pole. What are advantages and disadvantages of this development?

With the advancement of
technology
Add a comma
technology,
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 humans explore more and more of our world. Nowadays, it is possible for scientists and tourists to travel to the South
Pole
Use synonyms
 into remote natural environments. A big advantage is the exploration of untouched nature
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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this
Linking Words
 is simultaneously a danger for the environment
due to
Linking Words
 tourist exploitation. On the one hand, scientists are able to take probes
of
Change preposition
to
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 the South
Pole
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, explore new habitats and discover new animals. In recent
times
Punctuation problem
times,
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this
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 is not limited to short-term research but
also
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 long-term.
This
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 is owed to building in
extreme
Correct article usage
an extreme
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 climate and supporting it from the outside. Discoveries can not only help humanity to understand Antarctica more, but
also
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 help to uncover new animals and their way of surviving the harsh cold.
Furthermore
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, new bacteria can be studied and used in medical fields to prevent sicknesses from the extreme cold.
On the other hand
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, opening
this
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 new habitat for tourists can pose dangers
for
Change preposition
to
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 the environment and untouched nature. The more affordable and accessible Antarctica gets, the more the environment suffers
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the landscapes get destroyed by big hotels and tourist attractions. Not only that, but unknown bacteria and viruses, surviving under the ice for centuries, can spread and be taken home without being discovered. Without having a cure for them,
this
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 can cause unimaginable outcomes similar to
corona
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coronavirus
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. In summary, opening the South
Pole
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 to tourism not only destroys the habitat and nature there
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 but
also
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 poses risks for all of humanity through unknown illnesses. In conclusion,
while
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 the South
Pole
Use synonyms
 can give us many answers on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life there and help us understand how to fight subzero temperatures, it should be preserved
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 tourism should only be allowed with great care
of
Change preposition
for
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 the unknown.

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coherence and cohesion
Use more clear links to show how each idea connects. Start with a short plan in your intro and end with a firm view in the conclusion.
task response
Add more exact facts or examples. For instance, name how tourism can harm soil, water, and animal life, and give a real claim you back.
organization
Keep one clear idea in each paragraph. Add a sentence that shows why this idea matters to the big idea.
grammar
Check grammar. Use short, direct sentences. This helps the reader avoid mistakes.
content
The essay gives both good and bad sides of the topic.
structure
It uses a clear plan with intro, body, and conclusion.
ideas
It talks of real places like the South Pole and real ideas like bacteria.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remote natural environments
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystems
  • climate change
  • conservation efforts
  • infrastructure
  • economic benefits
  • environmental degradation
  • wildlife
  • carbon emissions
  • commercialization
  • pristine environments
  • ethical considerations
  • irresponsible behavior
  • public interest
  • advocacy for environmental protection.
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