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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities leaving behind an elderly population. What are the problems associated with this? What can be done about it?

Some youth are abandoning the rural areas to live in urban ones, forsaking senior citizens. The primary problem of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is the isolation and loneliness that they will face, and the most viable solution is to educate young
people
Use synonyms
 about the dangers of
this
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 issue. If young
people
Use synonyms
 leave their
parents
Use synonyms
 after being raised, it will cause psychological problems for the
parents
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. Elderly
people
Use synonyms
 feel lonely and abandoned after their
children
Use synonyms
 have left them to live in modern cities, and they will understand from
this
Linking Words
 attitude that their
children
Use synonyms
 don't love them anymore.
Therefore
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, they might face a loss of psychological support or even depression, and in some very bad cases, it may lead them to commit suicide.
For example
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, the Japan Times has recently reported that 62% of senior citizens have psychiatric diseases because they think that their
children
Use synonyms
 have abandoned them once and for all. A long-term solution to
this
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 predicament is to educate young
people
Use synonyms
 about the dangers of deserting their
parents
Use synonyms
, and their father and mother will feel alone without them around.
Children
Use synonyms
 in schools could be taught
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to help the older generation
to
Verb problem
apply
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feel better and more vital. They are
also
Linking Words
 likely to teach their
parents
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 about the things they learnt at school, and adults will
also
Linking Words
 be influenced by
this
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 initiative.
For instance
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, South Korea has implemented curricula on "filial piety" (filial piety) in some schools—a concept influenced by Confucianism. Students are taught that caring for
parents
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 and the elderly is a moral duty, and
this
Linking Words
 is reflected in their interactions with their families at home. In conclusion, isolating elderly
people
Use synonyms
 in rural areas can harm their mental well-being;
however
Linking Words
, public education about its dangers could mitigate the problem.

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tip
Add more clear problems, like care, money, and access to services for the old people.
tip
Explain why these problems matter and give more steps to help.
warning
Do not use facts you cannot prove. If you show a number or a study, say where it came from or say 'a report says' with a date.
strategy
Make the link from a problem to a plan with clear steps and end with a hopeful note.
strength
The idea is clear and the plan to help the old people is shown.
strength
The tone is simple and easy to read for many readers.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • aging population
  • healthcare and social services
  • economic decline
  • workforce
  • labor shortages
  • local economies
  • vitality
  • cultural heritage
  • traditions
  • cultural identity
  • infrastructure
  • supporting local businesses
  • promoting tourism
  • access to quality education and healthcare
  • incentive programs
  • tax breaks
  • housing incentives
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