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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

It has become easier and more affordable for people to visit other countries. Is it a positive or negative development?

It is true that easier and more accessible for people to visit other nations.
While
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 some may worry
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this
Correct word choice
that this
show examples
 trend may bring certain drawbacks, I believe that its benefits are more substantial. On the one hand, there are some disadvantages to making it easier for people to travel to other nations.
Firstly
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, the increased tourism put a strain on local resources and infrastructure.
For example
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, popular tourist destinations may face overcrowding that may cause environmental degradation.
Secondly
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, mass tourism may dilute tradition and custom. Local culture and tradition may be altered to
interests
Correct article usage
the interests
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 of visitors.
On the other hand
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, I would agree that the above drawbacks are outweighed by the benefits. The most glaring virtue is that broadening their horizon will
gain
Verb problem
lead to
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 a better understanding of different cultures.
Although
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 educational programs on TV or in books may be a good choice for everyone but
this
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 passive way is not fully effective.
Instead
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, interacting with individuals from diverse backgrounds may bridge the cultural gap and dispel stereotypes , which fosters a more peaceful global community. In conclusion,
although
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 more accessible to visit other countries may damage the environment and alter local culture. In my view,
this
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 is definitely a positive trend.

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grammar
Check grammar and use correct forms. For example, 'the increased tourism puts a strain' is correct; fix any missing words and punctuation to improve clarity.
structure
Keep ideas clear. Try one idea per sentence and use simple link words like First, Next, Also, However to join ideas.
content development
Add one or two small, easy examples to show why travel helps people know more about others.
content
A clear view is stated and the essay tries to weigh both sides.
structure
Two sides are shown with 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
coherence
Linking words are used in places to tie ideas together.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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