IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Importance should be given to the academic subjects by the schools. Music and sports should not be as a subject. Do you agree or disagree. Give reasons and examples for your answer.

The statement above says that
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
important only
Correct word order
only important
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 subjects
such
Linking Words
 as math, science, and more. Materials like
music
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 and sports should not be given in
school
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. Many people think that physical and
music
Use synonyms
 education is not really that important to be studied in
school
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, but for me is quite the opposite.
Music
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 and sports
thaugts
Correct your spelling
teach
 us a lot of things
unlike
Punctuation problem
, unlike
show examples
 math or science. Let's take some
example
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examples
show examples
, in
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this
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these
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 busy days,
students
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 don't usually work out or just do some lite exercise in days, months, or even a year.
This
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 kind of
subject
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 helps
students
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 to do
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
once
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one
show examples
 exercise in a week, it might not
really
Verb problem
be really
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 influential
but
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, but
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 obviously helps
students
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 to be healthier. Physical education is not just about
physic
Replace the word
physical
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, it
also
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discuss
Correct subject-verb agreement
discusses
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about
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apply
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how to become a great human being by consuming healthy food,
drink
Wrong verb form
drinking
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 enough water, and many more.
Music
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subject
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 might be one of the most underrated
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subject
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subjects
show examples
thaugt
Check wording
apply
show examples
in
school
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,
small
Correct article usage
a small
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amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
students
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 don't really like
this
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subject
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 and think that it's useless, especially for
them
Correct pronoun usage
those
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 who are not a
music
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 type of person. In
facts
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fact
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,
music
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 could easily help
students
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 to
familiarize
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familiarise
show examples
 basic notes, instrumental things, and many others.
Although
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 they don't like the
subject
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,
music
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 helps them connect with
eachother
Correct your spelling
each other
 by performing something related to
music
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,
such
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 as musical drama or just some instrumental performance. With
this
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subject
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, teachers would effortlessly introduce their
students
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 to a traditional instrument
form
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from
show examples
 their own culture. In Indonesia, we always have to perform some kind of
music
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 performance
by
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apply
show examples
using traditional
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music
Replace the word
musical
show examples
 instruments. In conclusion, both subjects are as important as the other subjects
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 they will benefit us
to
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apply
show examples
with things we unexpectedly know. We can improve our social
skill
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skills
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
 our own capabilities. With
this
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 essay, I totally disagree with the statement given above.

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structure
Make your view clear in the first sentence and keep one big idea for each paragraph. Add one strong example for each idea.
coherence
Use a simple order: intro, first reason with example, second reason with example, closing restating view. Connect ideas with like, also, but, for example.
language
Fix main grammar issues and spell carefully. Use short, clear sentences. Use present simple or simple past.
content
Your stance is clear and you disagree with the statement.
content
You give real life ideas like health and culture in Indonesia.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive Benefits
  • Critical Thinking
  • Problem-Solving Skills
  • Logical Reasoning
  • Analytical Skills
  • Mastery
  • Job Opportunities
  • Discipline
  • Socio-Economic Contribution
  • Technological Advancement
  • Innovate
  • Sustainable Development
  • Physical Health
  • Physical Activity
  • Fitness
  • Obesity
  • Lifestyle Diseases
  • Emotional and Social Development
  • Creativity
  • Emotional Expression
  • Teamwork
  • Communication Skills
  • Sense of Belonging
  • Life Skills
  • Time Management
  • Perseverance
  • Transferable Skills
  • Well-Rounded Education
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