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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that team sport prepare their children for their future careers while others do not agree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Nowadays,
Sports
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 have a huge impact on our day-to-day life. Many individuals believe that
sports
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 , which are played in teams, prepare their children for their
future
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 growth.
While
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,
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apply
show examples
 others do not agree with the notion. Both these views are discussed in the ensuing paragraphs
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along
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, along
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 with my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
students
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 are often encouraged to participate in
team
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sports
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. The key reason for
this
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 is, playing in a
team
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 at their school will help them to understand the importance of teamwork, which will be beneficial to them in their
future
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.
For Instance
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, as per the report published in the Times of India , there was a change in the behaviour of
students
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 doing
team
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 activities compared to
students
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 working individually
,
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;
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 the former always took action in solving conflicts between teammates.
Moreover
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, it helps pupils to develop their communication skills
as well as
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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become extroverted.
As a result
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, they can perform well in the
future
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 whenever they appear for an interview or give any public speech.
Thus
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, these are some reasons for
this
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 point of view.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, it is believed their no major impact on the
future
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 after playing in a
team
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. Because
,
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apply
show examples
 it can have an adverse effect on the independence of an individual.
For example
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, one has to depend on his teammates to win the game, which can lead to a major effect on working independently in
future
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.
In addition
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, it
also
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 affects the personal growth of the
students
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 as they will not be aware of their own potential
while
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 working in a
team
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.
Hence
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, owing to these points, many people do not agree with the former belief.
Conclusion
To conclude
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,
although
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 there are several effects on
students
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 ,
such
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 as
,
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apply
show examples
 reducing their personal development
as well as
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 affecting independence, I believe
students
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 should be motivated to participate in
team
Use synonyms
sports
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 , which not only help them to learn the importance of teamwork but
also
Linking Words
 make a great contribution to becoming open-minded and able to communicate well.

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grammar
Work on grammar and sentence form. Use correct verb form and agreement, espe cially in long sentences.
grammar
Fix article and noun use, like 'team sports' not 'team sport', and 'there' not 'their'.
coherence
Make your links between ideas clear. Start a new idea in a new paragraph and use linking words well.
development
Give more solid support for each point. Use clear examples that show how team sport helps or not.
editing
Check spelling and clean punctuation. Avoid extra spaces and stray commas.
structure
The essay has a clear view that the writer does not only share ideas but also gives an opinion.
content
There is a basic plan with an intro, two body parts and a conclusion.
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