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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide emissions per persion in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007.

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide emissions per persion in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007.
The line graph illustrates the average carbon dioxide production per individual in four different countries, namely
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom,
Sweden
Use synonyms
, Italy, and Portugal, over a
fourty-year
Correct your spelling
forty-year
 period from 1967 to 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the carbon emissions in Italy and Portugal increased throughout the period, the production of greenhouse gas in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
 demonstrated a
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 decline, with the figure of
Sweden
Use synonyms
 experiencing the most significant fluctuation. In 1967,
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 exhibited the highest quantity of CO2 emissions of roughly 11 metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
, followed by a moderate decrease to approximately 9
tonnes
Use synonyms
 in 2007.
Conversely
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
Sweden
Use synonyms
 took
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the gas release
indicating
Punctuation problem
, indicating
show examples
 just above 8 metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
 in 1967
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 reached a peak of about 11 by 1977, and
then
Linking Words
 dropped significantly by nearly
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half (5
tonnes
Use synonyms
).
In contrast
Linking Words
, the figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Italy and Portugal recorded the lowest quantity of gas emissions during the given period. Both
countires
Correct your spelling
countries
 exhibited a consistent upward trend, reaching almost 8 and 5 metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
 by 2007.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sweden, tonnes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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