IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some say now we can see films on our phones, there is no need to go to cinema, other says to be fully enjoyed films need to be seen in a cinema. What is your opinion?

Drama
Correct article usage
The drama
show examples
 and film industries play a fundamental role in entertainment.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 prefer using gadgets to watch
movies
Use synonyms
, others prefer going
cinema
Use synonyms
. From my perspective, watching a
movie
Use synonyms
 in the
cinema
Use synonyms
 is more joyful as compared to watching on a phone ;
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 highly depends on
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 own personality and the type of
movie
Use synonyms
 they want to watch. On one hand, online streaming and
movie
Use synonyms
 browsing applications allow
people
Use synonyms
 to watch
movies
Use synonyms
 at home that not only provide the extra joy of enjoying watching
movies
Use synonyms
 in their comfort space, but they
also
Linking Words
 come with a downloading option.
However
Linking Words
, the quality of
video
Correct article usage
the video
show examples
 might not be as good as it is shown in the
cinema
Use synonyms
. There are other perks of watching
movies
Use synonyms
 online .
For example
Linking Words
, you can easily rewind and forward a
movie
Use synonyms
 as many times as you want. Some applications allow free downloading or charge very less as compared to a
cinema
Use synonyms
 ticket.
Thus
Linking Words
 , reduces the total cost of watching a
movie
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
movies
Use synonyms
 with age restrictions that contain sexual scenes or use abusive language can be watched privately .
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
movies
Use synonyms
 are shown in the
cinema
Use synonyms
 on a big screen with an excellent sound system and high-density picture quality, providing
Correct article usage
a
show examples
chance for the crowd to cherish great scenes together. Some
people
Use synonyms
 love to watch
movies
Use synonyms
 together to make memories as much as they can. Nowadays, VR glasses can
also
Linking Words
 be used to watch
movies
Use synonyms
 in a
cinema
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 allows
people
Use synonyms
 to watch
movies
Use synonyms
 in 3D.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
movies
Use synonyms
 are now being watched on mobile phones as well but the perks of watching
movies
Use synonyms
 in a
cinema
Use synonyms
 with a huge crowd can not be replaced because of improvements being made in
cinema
Use synonyms
 and art halls.

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focus
Keep a clear view. Have one main idea and keep it in all parts.
structure
Link ideas with simple words and make each paragraph a clear point.
grammar
Use short, clear sentences and fix punctuation so your text is easy to read.
examples
Give at least one example for each point to show the idea.
language
Check spelling and verb form to help your idea be understood.
content
You show a view and a choice on cinema vs online watching.
structure
You use the compare and contrast with two sides.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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