IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say football players who have talent are the best. Others say players who learn the skill are better. Discuss both views and give your opinion

As soccer is one of the most
concerned
Correct word choice
popular
show examples
 sports in the world, it has many
people
Use synonyms
discussed about
Wrong verb form
discussing
show examples
 it
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
. Many
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 fans claim that football
players
Use synonyms
 who are naturally gifted are the best. Meanwhile, other individuals argue that
players
Use synonyms
 who learn and
practice
Use synonyms
 from scratch deserve to be on top. As a non-professional football watcher,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that all
players
Use synonyms
 have their own special
skills
Use synonyms
 and
attraction
Fix the agreement mistake
attractions
show examples
. On the one hand, many soccer fans
glaze
Use the right word
gaze
show examples
Use synonyms
players
Change preposition
at players
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have talent.
This
Linking Words
 means that the
players
Use synonyms
 themselves already have good
skills
Use synonyms
speed
Punctuation problem
, speed
show examples
, and ideal physical conditions.
Also
Linking Words
,
players
Use synonyms
 would need less
practice
Use synonyms
 than normal
people
Use synonyms
 to be able to play professionally.
Also
Linking Words
, their natural talent will give them new strategies when it comes to planning. Those different ways they could think could create special impressions
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the audience.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 now
tends
Correct subject-verb agreement
tend
show examples
 to like new things. Young
players
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 one of the
folks'
Check wording
fans'
show examples
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
, and what is more crucial is that the young and talented soccerers can play and improve their
skills
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 an insane speed, which changes after every match.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, watchers believe that hard-working and passionate footballers deserve the top place. These are
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 passion towards football grew when they
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 young, and they
practice
Use synonyms
 a lot to be better. As they
starts
Correct subject-verb agreement
start
show examples
 from scratch, they have to
practice
Use synonyms
 more and more than
talented
Correct article usage
the talented
show examples
 ones.
Also
Linking Words
, they have to learn from others, from experienced coaches,
for example
Linking Words
. Hard-working soccerers must try all plans and think harder to create a new and 'charming' performance for the audience. In conclusion, gifted
players
Use synonyms
catches
Correct subject-verb agreement
catch
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's
attraction
Use the right word
attention
show examples
 because of their smart and agile brains, and
players
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 learn the
skills
Use synonyms
 make
people
Use synonyms
 love them by showing their hard
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 and passion
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the sport.

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structure
Plan the essay well. Start with the two sides, then add your own view. End with a short finish.
cohesion
Use linking words like and, but, so to join ideas. Keep a steady flow from one idea to the next.
content
Give a bit more proof for each point. Use one small example or fact for each idea.
grammar
Watch for word form and errors in grammar. Use shorter, plain sentences.
vocabulary
Use common words only. Avoid hard or long words.
task
The writer shows both views and makes a clear own view.
task
There is a clear line of idea from start to end.
content
Reason for each side is said.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innate talent
  • Natural intuition
  • Adaptability
  • High-pressure situations
  • Physical attributes
  • Dedication
  • Work ethic
  • Tactics
  • Strategies
  • Rigorous training
  • Consistent performance
  • Impeccable technique
  • Mental resilience
  • Perseverance
  • Continuous improvement
  • Motivating environment
What to do next:
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