IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Smokers can cause themselves serious health problems. The choice to smoke is made freely and with knowledge of dangers. Smokers should therefore expect to pay more for medical treatment than non-smokers. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

In the contemporary world, there is an increasing concern about smoking, which damages the well-being of
individuals
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. Letting the
smokers
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 be aware of the threats independently may not be enough. I strongly agree that forcing the people who
smoke
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 to pay
additionally
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 for their medical treatment rather than people who do not. On the one hand, an increase in the incurred hospital expenses of
individuals
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 who
smoke
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 will affect the intention of
individuals
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 to
smoke
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. Inflating the prices for
individuals
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 who
smoke
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 cigarettes as part of their daily routine
,
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apply
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 will discourage people from incurring additional expenses related to their medical treatment. I will encourage the
smokers
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 to consider smoking less , and even none would be a viable choice for their health risks.
Moreover
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, the required additional fees and actions for retreatment will decrease the number of
smokers
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 in the future.
On the other hand
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, one of the effective ways to encourage the person to pay more in the hospital is to create punishments for
smokers
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. Governments play a crucial role in the well-being of
individuals
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.
For instance
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, endorsements of smoking habits and implementing various monetary punishments and creating
awareness
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 programs for
smokers
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 about how smoking will lead to undeniable results for their health.
Awareness
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 for foster their
awareness
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 for the possible dangers of smoking.
For example
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,
according to
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 the results obtained by the students in terms of the rate of death.
According to
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 research, smoking is higher in those countries where there are no restrictions on smoking behaviours in society.
To sum up
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,
whereas
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 there is a need for fostering
individuals
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 and discouraging them not incurring
further
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 hospital costs, I believe that the governments should involve
further
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awareness
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 programs in terms of educating
individuals
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 about the dangerous effects of smoking as a successful option for
individuals
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.

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task response
Make your main ideas clearer. State one main point in each paragraph and add one clear reason to back it up.
coherence
Link ideas with simple connects. Use words like 'and', 'but', 'also', 'then' to show how ideas are joined.
grammar
Fix grammar and use plain words. Short, true sentences help your message.
examples
Give one solid example for each idea. This makes your point strong.
conclusion
End with a short, direct conclusion that restates your view.
task response
You show a clear view that smokers should pay more.
coherence
You raise the idea of using awareness and policy to help
structure
The essay has a plan with introduction, body, and conclusion

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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