IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say governments should give health care the first priorities,while some others belive there are more important priorities to spend the taxpayer's money.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the contemporary world, health care should be the primary priority for human beings.
While
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 there are compelling arguments on both sides, I believe that the distribution of government funding for the medical treatment of
individuals
Use synonyms
 is a more crucial issue than other key issues.
Firstly
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, governments should contribute funds for healthcare services in order to ensure the well-being of
individuals
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 , as a healthy lifestyle plays an important role in citizens` lives.
Moreover
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, contributing funds towards medical services beforehand can foster the productivity of
individuals
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, and afterwards their lifetime mental and physical health.
For example
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, during the COVID-19 pandemic healthcare sector played an important role in the treatment of
this
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 pandemic.
Although
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 there was a huge need for public guidance and budget for the treatment of
this
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 disease, some countries were unable to overcome it successfully because of insufficient administrative funding and commitment.
On the other hand
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, no one could deny the significance of other distinctive departments, like education, infrastructure, transportation and so on. Providing subsidies in terms of developing the quality of education in various regions and countryside areas significantly leads to the formation of well-educated and accomplished
individuals
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 in their future professional careers.
Distribution
Correct article usage
The distribution
show examples
 of investment for infrastructure could attract more visitors to the country , which would encourage the tourism industry to grow. Transportation departments increase the
overall
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 social well-being of
individuals
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, which increases life expectancy for future generations.
To sum up
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,
although
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 there is a common need for assistance of government funding in various sections, I fully support the view that the government should make it the first priority to provide accessible and affordable medical resources and a cure for the community.

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tip
In the start and end, make your main view clear and keep it the same. A simple, strong line helps a lot.
tip
Use easy links to move from one idea to the next. Words like and, but, also, for example help flow.
tip
Each paragraph should have one big idea. Make the link from one idea to the next clear.
tip
Give one or two solid examples to back your point. The COVID case is ok, add more if you can.
tip
Try to keep sentences short. Break long lines into two. Check spelling and grammar.
strength
Your view is clear and you state it.
strength
You use sign words like 'Firstly', 'On the other hand', 'To sum up'.
strength
The COVID example helps your point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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