IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Your friend Mark has dropped his phone and it is now broken. He is thinking about buying a new one. You bought a new phone last month. Write a letter to Mark. In your letter: describe the phone you bought, explain the advantages and disadvantages of your phone give, Mark your advice on whether he should buy it and why

Dear Mark, I hope you are doing well. I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to share my experience
for
Change preposition
of
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 buying a new
phone
Use synonyms
, which could help you have some information to choose a new one for yourself, because your
phone
Use synonyms
 was broken.
Last
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 month, I bought a new
phone
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 after carefully researching many specifications
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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that is
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 the
Iphone
Use the right word
iPhone
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 15 Pro Max.
This
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phone
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 is a flatship
phone
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, which is high performance, beautiful
color
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colour
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, and high quality camera.
However
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, the battery does not
stay
Verb problem
last
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 long and you need to charge it after using
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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in
Change preposition
for
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 10 hours, and
this
Linking Words
phone
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 is more expensive
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then
Use the right word
than
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 the other
android
Fix capitalization
Android
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 phones with the same features. In my opinion,
this
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phone
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 will be suitable for you because you love capturing beautiful moments
,
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apply
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 and playing mobile games. But you need to consider carefully on the battery
.
Rephrase
carefully.
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 I hope my experiences can help you find a new good
phone
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. Best wishes, Tobi

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language
Check grammar and word use to make sentences clear and correct
structure
Try to put one main idea in each paragraph and use connecting words to show how ideas go together
content
Be precise about the phone and facts, and avoid unclear phrases
content
Balance good and bad points and keep a friendly tone
content
The letter shows its purpose clearly at the start
tone
Polite closing and friendly tone
content
It includes a range of ideas: the phone, its good and bad points, and a suggestion
organization
There is a proper greeting and sign-off
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