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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years.

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years.
The pie charts below illustrate the destinations of Anthropology
Use synonyms
graduates
Check wording
graduates'
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 degree courses. The table provides the
salaries
Use synonyms
 after five years of employment.
Overall
Linking Words
, most
graduates
Use synonyms
 were full-time after completing their degree, the common high
salaries
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
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from the government and consultancy sector compared to
private
Correct article usage
the private
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compare
Check wording
sector
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.
According to
Linking Words
 the pie charts, over half of the
graduates
Use synonyms
 have 52%
full time
Use the right word
full-time
show examples
 jobs. followed by 15% chose full-time postgraduate study,
while
Linking Words
slightly
Correct article usage
a slightly
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 proportion were in part-time work within 8%, part-time work combined with
postgrad
Correct word choice
postgraduate
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post
Check wording
study
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 5%, or unemployed 8%. The remaining 12% had unknown solutions. The table indicates that freelance consultants and government earned
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
salaries
Use synonyms
, within 40% in the $75,000 to $99,999
rate
Use the right word
range
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 and another 40-50% earned above $100,000,
while
Linking Words
 35% were in the $50,000 to $74,999 range. Autotroph
graduates
Use synonyms
 were most likely to attend full-time work ,and long-term, the positions that earned the highest
salaries
Use synonyms
 were in government and consultancy.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graduates, salaries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • anthropology graduates
  • undergraduate degree
  • part-time work
  • full-time work
  • postgraduate study
  • unemployment
  • career trends
  • employment opportunities
  • flexibility
  • specialization
  • competitive job market
  • salary
  • earning potential
  • private sector
  • government sector
  • freelance work
  • public policy
  • cultural preservation
  • consulting
  • corporate anthropology
  • expertise
  • accrued
  • distribution
  • sector
  • trend
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