IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, whilw others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

While
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 some believe that
success
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 comes from
determination
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 and hard work, others think that
be
Wrong verb form
being
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succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
 in life is
due to
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 other factors,
such
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 as
money
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 and
appearence
Correct your spelling
appearance
. In
this
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 essay,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 will discuss both of these ideas and
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 will express my personal opinion.
Firstly
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, it's important to mention that no one gets anywhere without making decisions and without having clarity about what they are looking for. In
this
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 regard, having
determination
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 and a real desire when it comes to wanting to achieve something
,
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apply
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 is the beginning of the path to
success
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. A study that surveyed several successful entrepreneurs
,
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apply
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 showed that for the vast majority of them,
attributed
Correct pronoun usage
they attributed
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 their
success
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 to their
determination
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 and willingness,
while
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 the minority of them said it was
due to
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 more superficial issues
such
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 as
appearance
Use synonyms
 and marketing strategies.
On the other hand
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, having a family with
money
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 and a hegemonic
appearance
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 will make that path much easier, compared to people who start with nothing, or even with limitations. For many people who have a great
determination
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 and sense of
effort
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, it is still insufficient to achieve
success
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, even more
if
Rephrase
so if
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 they have the conception of
success
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 in capitalist terms. Personally, I believe that
determination
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 and
effort
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 are much more important than
money
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 and
appearance
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, but unfortunately,
money
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 is more important to achieve
success
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especially
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, especially
show examples
 in today's world, where image, surname and wealth
,
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apply
show examples
 are valued over other qualities. In conclusion, if
success
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 is measured in wealth and recognition,
money
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 and
appearance
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 are factors that weigh more than
effort
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 and
determination
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, since
money
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 in itself can greatly advantage one person over another, and society still gives a lot of importance to trivial and superficial things. In conclusion, to be successful, if
success
Use synonyms
 is measured in wealth and recognition,
money
Use synonyms
 and
appearance
Use synonyms
 are valued more than
effort
Use synonyms
 and
determination
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. Since
money
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 in itself can greatly advantage one person over another. In
adittion
Correct your spelling
addition
, society still gives a lot of importance to trivial and superficial things.

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structure
Use a clear plan: one intro, two body parts, one conclusion.
grammar
Keep grammar simple. Check verbs and extra words.
lexical
Choose easy words. Avoid hard terms or misspellings.
examples
Give one or two clear examples to show your view.
task
The idea to discuss both sides is seen.
structure
There is a clear start and end to the essay.
content
You show your own view in the end.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Perseverance
  • Determinism
  • Innate talent
  • Financial resources
  • Opportunities
  • Networking
  • Aesthetic appeal
  • Meritocracy
  • Social capital
  • Resilience
  • Entrepreneurial spirit
  • Luck
  • Ambition
  • Sustainable success
  • Holistic approach
What to do next:
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