IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People were happier in previous generations compared to now. To what extent do you agree?

In recent years, the graph of
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 happiness has been declining at an
unprecedental
Correct your spelling
unprecedented
 pace, raising serious concerns about its effect on mental and physical health. It is argued that previous generations were more happy as relatively to now. In the past,
people
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 were living
simple
Correct article usage
a simple
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life
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, less stressful, eating healthy food
,
Punctuation problem
;
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therefore
Linking Words
, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 view. The primary reason behind
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 happiness in the past is
life
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 with low desires.
Although
Linking Words
 in the past
times
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apply
show examples
people
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 were less advanced in terms of technology, they used to work only to have basic needs ,
such
Linking Words
 as food, shelter and clothes. Unlike today's
people
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 who are just running behind
materliastic
Correct your spelling
materialistic
 things
such
Linking Words
 as
luxary
Correct your spelling
luxury
life
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, and failure to do so
causing
Wrong verb form
causes
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 stress and anxiety.
Moreover
Linking Words
, past generations used to walk,
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 and eat healthy food, which
prevent
Wrong verb form
prevented
show examples
 them from several illnesses, making them healthier. Nowadays,
people
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 have hectic schedules and spend less time with nature and family members.
This
Linking Words
lifestyles
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyle
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 causes frustrations, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 directly
effecting
Use the right word
affecting
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 relationships and leaving them alone.
In contrast
Linking Words
, in previous times ,
people
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use
Wrong verb form
used
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 to spend a lot of time together and
therefore
Linking Words
, family bonds were stronger, which ultimately makes one stronger and happier.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, another reason
people
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 are less satisfied today
because
Verb problem
is because
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 of increased job
competitions
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competition
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.
Due to
Linking Words
rise
Correct article usage
the rise
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 in development of technology, several
job
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jobs
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has
Wrong verb form
have been
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replaced by robotic machines, raising unemployment and increasing competition for getting a job,
as a result
Linking Words
, failures to get one feel worthless. In conclusion, without a
doubt
Add a comma
doubt,
show examples
people
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 were much satisfied and happy in the past times, as they followed simple and healthy lifestyles with low expectations.
However
Linking Words
, technological advancements not only make
people
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's lives busier but
also
Linking Words
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 competition, which is one of the main reasons behind their
dissatisfactions
Fix the agreement mistake
dissatisfaction
show examples
 with
life
Use synonyms
.

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task response
State your view clearly in the first paragraph and keep it in mind in all parts of the essay.
task response
Build your ideas with clear reason and some real example or fact to show why you think so.
cohesion
Use simple linking words to show how ideas fit. Start with a topic sentence in each paragraph.
grammar
Break long and hard sentences into shorter bites. This helps grammar and flow.
vocabulary
Check word use. A few wrong words hide your meaning. Use plain and clear words.
content
You take a clear view that life in the past made people happier.
structure
The essay has a clear plan with three parts: past, now, and contrast.
cohesion
Use of linking words like Moreover and In contrast helps flow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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