IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The line graph shows the number of people who used different communication services in the world

The line graph shows the number of people who used different communication services in the world
The graph gives data about the number of people who utilised familiar association services in the world.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that,
while
Linking Words
 Cellular phone
service
Use synonyms
 rates decreased significantly, the indicators of Internet
service
Use synonyms
 and Mobile
broadband
Use synonyms
 showed
asmall
Correct your spelling
a small
 increase over time.
By contrast
Linking Words
, landline
service
Use synonyms
 and fixed
broadband
Use synonyms
almost
Verb problem
have remained almost
show examples
 unchanged over the period As the line graph shows, Cellular phone
service
Use synonyms
 started with about 5
inhabitants
Use synonyms
 in 1998 followed by an enormous growth to around 29
residents
Use synonyms
 between 2000 and 2004.
However
Linking Words
, it experienced a steady rise of approximately 65 occupants by the
end
Use synonyms
 of the term.Regarding landline
service
Use synonyms
 began with around 14
inhabitants
Use synonyms
 in 1998.
Then
Linking Words
, the landline
service
Use synonyms
 levelled off from 2000 to 2004 about 20
residents
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, it experienced a tiny decline to approximately 15 occupants by the
end
Use synonyms
 of the period. Turning to Internet
service
Use synonyms
, started with about 5
inhabitants
Use synonyms
 in 1998, followed by a small increase to about 11
residents
Use synonyms
 from 2000 to 2004.
Whereas
Linking Words
 there was
rapid
Correct article usage
a rapid
show examples
 growth of 20 occupants by the
end
Use synonyms
 of the year.Regarding
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 Mobile
broadband
Use synonyms
 and Fixed
broadband
Use synonyms
 began with around 6
inhabitants
Use synonyms
 in 1998, and the mobile
broadband
Use synonyms
 and fixed
broadband
Use synonyms
 levelled off between 2000 and 2002.
By contrast
Linking Words
, a small rise to 8
residents
Use synonyms
 by the
end
Use synonyms
 of
last
Linking Words
 year.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "by contrast".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words service, broadband, inhabitants, residents, end with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • communication services
  • overall trend
  • significant increase/decrease
  • traditional vs. modern
  • technological advancements
  • regional disparities
  • adoption and usage
  • future predictions
  • sociopolitical events
  • altering usage patterns
  • detailed analysis
  • popularity
  • emphasize
  • demonstrate
  • surpass
  • overshadow
  • implications
  • innovation
  • transition
  • dominance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: