IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the aid from six developed countries to developing countries from 2008 to 2010.

The chart below shows the aid from six developed countries to developing countries from 2008 to 2010.
The bar chart provides information about the
aid
Use synonyms
 from the six world’s largest cities , namely the
USA
Use synonyms
,
UK
Use synonyms
,
Germany
Use synonyms
,
Japan
Use synonyms
,
Netherlands
Use synonyms
 and Sweden; units are measured in
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2008, 2009 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, all states experienced different
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
 over
given
Correct article usage
the given
show examples
 period. The
USA
Use synonyms
 and
UK
Use synonyms
 consistently
increased
Verb problem
apply
show examples
had the highest
aid
Use synonyms
 , with the
Netherlands
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
Germany
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 had growth that was relatively slow.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Sweden showed a decrease in lost years. In 2008, the figure of
aid
Use synonyms
 in the
Netherlands
Use synonyms
 and the
UK
Use synonyms
 was 9 and 6
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 there rapidly rose to 12 and 9
billion
Use synonyms
, respectively. The
USA
Use synonyms
 showed a contraction to 18
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2009. Despite
this
Linking Words
, the
USA
Use synonyms
 rose speedily to 25
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
, followed by the
UK
Use synonyms
 (around 13
billion
Use synonyms
)
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, the
Netherlands
Use synonyms
 declined by approximately 8
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2010. In conclusion, the average of the two countries ,
Germany
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 experienced fell to 10 and 9
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
, respectively.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Germany
Use synonyms
 has climbed to 12
billion
Use synonyms
, in 2010, the rates of
aid
Use synonyms
 grew moderately to just over 11
billion
Use synonyms
 from
Japan
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. Sweden recorded with slow increase, a drop to 6
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in lost year from 2010.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words aid, usa, uk, germany, japan, netherlands, billion, dollars with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slow" was used 2 times.
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