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Band 7

School should focus on teaching students how to be successful in the workforce and less helping them achieve academic success. To what extent you agree or disagree?

There is a view that
schools
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 should concentrate more on preparing
students
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 for jobs rather than focusing only on academic knowledge.
While
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 some people oppose
this
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 notion, I personally argue in favour as both practical and academic education are important for
students
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' future.
To begin
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 with, teaching
students
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 how to succeed in the workforce is very useful. Nowadays, many employers look for people who have good communication, teamwork, and problem-solving skills, not just high exam scores.
For example
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, if a student learns how to work in groups and manage time properly, they will be better prepared for real jobs.
In addition
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,
schools
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 can teach basic job-related skills,
such
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 as computer use, or even doing simple business projects, which can help
students
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 find employment more easily after graduation.
However
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, academic knowledge is
also
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 necessary. Without learning subjects
such
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 as mathematics, science, or languages,
students
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 can not develop their thinking and knowledge base. These subjects
also
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 help
students
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 continue their higher education.
For example
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, someone who wants to become a doctor or an engineer needs a strong academic background. If
schools
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 only focus on workforce skills, many
students
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 might lose the chance to study at university or become professionals. In my opinion,
schools
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 should find a balance. They should not only teach academic subjects, but
also
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 give
students
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 practical training to prepare them for jobs. In conclusion, I believe that
schools
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 should not focus only on academic success or only on workforce preparation. Both aspects are important, and a balanced approach is the best way to support
students
Use synonyms
 in their future lives.

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task response
Be more clear on your main view in each part and give a firmer stance on how much you agree.
coherence
Use easier words and make links between ideas with simple joins so the flow is smooth.
evidence
Add more real life examples to show how ideas work in real life.
vocabulary
Check your word choice. Use only common and easy words.
grammar
Mix short and long sentences and check for small mistakes in grammar and spelling.
idea
Clear view that balance of work and study is best.
example
Good examples about group work and skills.
structure
Strong finish that sums up the view.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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