IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some students want other extra lectures in university to improve themselves. others believe concentrating only one field is essential discuus both views and give your opinion

There is an argument that some pupils prefer to attend
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
other courses but others disagree with
this
Linking Words
, and they claim that focusing on their own domain is crucial. I support the latter perspective with
following
Correct article usage
the following
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 discussion. There is no doubt that college students who participate
more
Change preposition
in more
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 seminars could improve their knowledge range. Because they could get a better job after graduation if they learn more skills
in
Change preposition
at
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 university.
In addition
Linking Words
, they might find their talent in
other
Fix the agreement mistake
another
show examples
 field to
creat
Use the right word
create
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 a brand new career path.
For example
Linking Words
, a young graduate from history
become
Wrong verb form
became
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 a famous comedy actor only because he had found out his passion
on
Change preposition
for
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 acting in an acting club.
Therefore
Linking Words
, learning new skills
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 always helpful to find a new
emplyment
Correct your spelling
employment
 opportunity.
However
Linking Words
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that most
of
Change preposition
apply
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college
pupils
Check wording
students
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 should concentrate on their own major. Because all of the
best paid
Use the right word
best-paid
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 jobs they
interested
Verb problem
are interested
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are
Change preposition
in are
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 not entry-level positions. It means that they should spend more time on learning details and
get
Verb problem
gaining
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experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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,
then
Linking Words
 they could get promoted
as
Change preposition
to
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 a superior
staff
Check wording
position
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, bus drivers and electricians both receive
low
Correct article usage
a low
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 salary
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
begainning
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. Their allowance would be increased when they get
promotion
Correct article usage
a promotion
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 with more
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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 in their own field. So,
this
Linking Words
 is the reason that I suggest young people sharpen their skills
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 certain area. In conclusion,
It
Fix capitalization
it
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 is beneficial that students in
univeristy
Correct your spelling
university
 join more lectures in other classes.
but
Fix capitalization
But
show examples
consider
Wrong verb form
considering
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their performance in the competitive job market, I believe that it is critical for them to work hard on their own major first.

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task
To raise the task score, give clearer reasons for your view. Each paragraph should hold one main idea. Use simple link words like and, but, so to connect ideas.
coherence
For better flow, plan this way: intro, one paragraph for the first view, one for the second view, then a short ending. Use clear links to show how ideas go to the next.
grammar
Check spelling and grammar. Use easy words. Fix common miss of employ, begin, create, and make them match your idea.
lexical
Use examples that fit the point you make and that can be seen in real life.
content
The essay shows both sides and says which view the writer takes.
content
There are examples in the text.
structure
Link words are used to join ideas.
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