IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Topic: Some people think that children should be taught at school how to become good parents or school. Do you agree or disagree?

It is thought that parenting must be taught in
Correct article usage
the schools’
show examples
schools’
Fix the agreement mistake
school’
show examples
 curriculum.
While
Linking Words
 others believe that
such
Linking Words
 a subject is not necessary.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views and give
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 opinion on the topic. First and foremost, teaching
kids
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to become good parents can enhance the skills in their adulthood. Nowadays, there are still many families that are struggling with taking care of their children. The root may come from
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of experience, mutual understanding
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 well as the depreciation in their child’s education. Covering up all the topics
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the field might prevent regrets later on.
Therefore
Linking Words
, parenting must be taught to
kids
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 allows
kids
Use synonyms
 to comprehend the hardship of their parents through multiple views and through observation. Eventually,
kids
Use synonyms
 will appreciate their parents
instead
Linking Words
 of taking
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 for granted.
By
Change preposition
In
show examples
this
Linking Words
 way,
kids
Use synonyms
 will be motivated to try and achieve success so as to develop the family’s legacy.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it can be wasteful and
unnecessary
Punctuation problem
unnecessary,
show examples
 given that
kids
Use synonyms
 will understand when they merge into society. At an early age,
kids
Use synonyms
 should learn
as well as
Linking Words
 improve their sportsmanship because they will not have the opportunity to do it in their future.
In addition
Linking Words
, taking up time can discourage the standard time for
specialized
Use the right word
specialised
show examples
 learning, deep analysis and overpressure many
kids
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
such
Linking Words
 a lecture is crucial to their life, I think that inadequate or overwhelming time and
stress-combining
Use the right word
stress combined
show examples
 can hurt
kids
Use synonyms
’
overall
Linking Words
 development.
Hence
Linking Words
, I do not agree with the statement that parenting should be in the curriculum. In conclusion, parenting may sound like a good approach, but
emphasis
Correct article usage
an emphasis
show examples
 on
this
Linking Words
 can negatively affect the children’s performance.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea with a clear topic sentence.
lexical
Use simple words and avoid hard terms. Check for general or odd words and fix them.
content
Give a real example for each main point to show how it can work in school life.
coherence
Use simple link words to show how ideas flow from one to the next.
structure
End with a short, strong conclusion that restates your view.
content
A clear view is shown, and both sides are given in the essay.
structure
There is a plan with an intro, body, and conclusion.
coherence
Some words link ideas and help flow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: