The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more on the education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The government should manage carefully on the budget for the
arts
Use synonyms
Linking Words
due
Rephrase
carefully due
show examples
to allocating more to
education
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. I disagree that
arts
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value can not fall because of economic issues, especially
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
in
education
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
arts
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support individuals' creativity and imagination. Artists live in different spaces
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
compared to ordinary people. They dedicate so much time, energy, money and wisdom to create one piece of
art
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.
Thus
Linking Words
, lowering the budget on the
arts
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can hurt the whole society.
For example
Linking Words
, someone spent half of their lifetime
to paint
Wrong verb form
painting
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the masterpiece.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is unfair for the value
of decreasing
Change preposition
to decrease
show examples
simply because of
education
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
arts
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boost learning and attract people to school. Some children dream about wanting to be artists since kindergarten. Because they love to draw , and if the government do not support
creativeness
Replace the word
creativity
show examples
,
then
Linking Words
it is the same as crushing the dream that could lead to the underdevelopment of
art
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.
Arts
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illustrate a variety of perspectives ,
also
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
children's development of brain
.
Check wording
development.
show examples
Thus
Linking Words
, children's imagination can not expand only through
education
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.
In addition
Linking Words
,
art
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is crucial for
education
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, too.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I do not agree with
this
Linking Words
view as, reduces the budget for the
arts
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to spend more money on
education
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.
Art
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is as important as
education
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, as they
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
to creativity, imagination, and development

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task response
Plan your answer. Start with a clear view in the intro and a short plan sentence. Then use 2 or 3 body paragraphs with one idea each and a short example.
coherence
Use simple and straight linking words. Use first, then, also, but, for example to make the flow clear.
content
The writer shows a clear view on the topic.
content
Some ideas relate to the question and are easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • money
  • spend
  • fund
  • funding
  • budget
  • education
  • arts
  • culture
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • learning
  • school
  • student
  • teacher
  • job
  • economy
  • value
  • cost
  • benefit
  • impact
  • plan
  • policy
  • government
  • taxes
  • public
  • private
  • priorities
  • balance
  • trade-off
  • efficiency
  • partnership
  • donation
  • donor
  • sponsor
  • support
  • public funds
  • private money
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