IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In several countries, cultural foods are being exchanged by international fast food. This is having a negative influence on both families and communities.

In my
opinion
Punctuation problem
opinion,
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 the many parts of the world, traditional cultural foods are being increasingly replaced by international fast
food
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,
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apply
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 chains.
While
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this
Linking Words
 trend offers some benefits in terms of convenience, I firmly believe it has harmful consequences for both families and communities. On the one hand, the growing popularity of international fast
food
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 has reduced the role of traditional meals within families. In the past, preparing and sharing
food
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 at ho,me was an important activity that allowed parents and children to spend quality time together and to pass on cultural practices. Nowadays,
however
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, people increasingly prefer convenient fast
food
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 options, which are often eaten
,
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apply
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 quickly and individually.
This
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 shift has led to fewer family gatherings around the dining table, weakening bonds between generations.
For instance
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, many young people in Asian countries now choose to eat burgers and pizza with their peers
instead
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 of joining traditional family dinners, which diminishes family unity.
On the other hand
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, the spread of fast
food
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also
Linking Words
 has negative consequences for communities. Local cuisines are a reflection
,
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apply
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 of cultural identity, and when they are replaced by global fast
food
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 chains, societies lose part of their heritage.
In addition
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, fast
food
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 is often associated with unhealthy lifestyles, contributing to rising rates of obesity and other health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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.
This
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 creates a burden not only on individuals but
also
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 on public healthcare systems, affecting the entire community.
For example
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, in the United States, the widespread consumption of fast
food
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 has been linked to an increase in diseases, which has strained healthcare resources and reduced
overall
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 community well-being. In conclusion, the replacement of cultural
food
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 by international fast
food
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 harms both
famile
Correct your spelling
families
 and societies. It weakens family traditions, erodes cultural identity, and contributes to health problems within communities.
Therefore
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,
while
Linking Words
 fast
food
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 offers convenience, its long-term impact is largely negative.

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task response
Task response: You take a clear view and say why fast food harms families and towns. To get a higher score, add more strong reasons and some clear facts to back up your view.
coherence and structure
Coherence and cohesion: Each paragraph should have one main idea with a clear opening sentence. Use simple linking words like first, also, but, for example to show how ideas are linked.
grammar and punctuation
Grammar and spelling: There are some word miss spells. Check words like ho,me, problem, famile. Use full stops correctly and stay with short, easy sentences.
examples
Examples: Use clearer proof, with a number or fact from well known events or sweet ways for your idea to be stronger.
content
The essay shows a clear view and a stance.
structure
There are two main ideas in the body that talk on the effects on family and on the town.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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