IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Crime rates have been increasing in many cities around the world. What are the key problems contributing to this rise in crime, and what solutions can be implemented to tackle these issues?

In recent times,
crime
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 have
Use synonyms
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 in many cities around the globe.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate on the key
problems
Use synonyms
 contributing to
this
Linking Words
 rise in
crime
Use synonyms
 and discuss solutions that can be implemented to tackle these issues. First of all,it is an undeniable fact that
crime
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 have increased over the past few years.One main cause
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
due to
Linking Words
 unemployment.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of the youth between the ages of 18 and 30 do not get work to do when they complete University.
As a result
Linking Words
,they engage in
Use synonyms
crime
Replace the word
criminal
show examples
 activities
such
Linking Words
 as robbery,gambling and fraudulent acts with the aim of getting money to survive.
A research
Correct determiner usage
Research
show examples
 conducted by the
Ministery
Use the right word
Ministry
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
crime
Fix capitalization
Crime
show examples
 in Ghana revealed that 80% of crimes are
due to
Linking Words
 economic hardships.
This
Linking Words
 study clearly shows that economic
problems
Use synonyms
contributes
Correct subject-verb agreement
contribute
show examples
 to the rapid
increase
Use synonyms
 in crimes
Additionally
Linking Words
,
peer
Use synonyms
 pressure is another major key factor that contributes to
Use synonyms
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in criminal acts.Youngsters between the ages of 15 and 25 are easily influenced by peers.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 ,
the
Use the right word
they
show examples
 are lured into criminal activities
such
Linking Words
 as internet fraud.A study conducted by Social science students
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Kwame Nkrumah University showed that
crime
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 rapidly increased over the past few years
as a result
Linking Words
 of
peer
Use synonyms
 influence.
This
Linking Words
 study vividly shows how
peer
Use synonyms
 pressure contributes to
Use synonyms
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
However
Linking Words
,there are some ways to
adopt
Use the right word
adapt
show examples
 to help curb these
problems
Use synonyms
.Educating the general public is one main solution to these
problems
Use synonyms
.The government should help educate the public about the negative impact of
Use synonyms
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the country and
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
show examples
 of people.
This
Linking Words
 can be done
though
Use the right word
through
show examples
 the media,newspapers,graphics and posts.Young children can
also
Linking Words
 be educated in schools through social studies
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 making it a compulsory course. Law enforcement is
also
Linking Words
 another solution to
Use synonyms
increase
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
.The government can do
this
Linking Words
 by making strict rules and regulations to govern crimes
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
also
Linking Words
 making sure anyone who breaks the law is punished or sanctioned.By so doing,it will serve as a deterrent
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 criminal activities. In conclusion,
peer
Use synonyms
 pressure and lack of employment are the main contributing factors to
increase
Use synonyms
crime
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
; however
show examples
creating
Punctuation problem
, creating
show examples
 public awareness through education and enforcing laws.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
Plan before you write. List two problems and two main ideas for each part.
content
Add more facts or clear examples to back up your points.
grammar
Check spelling and use proper marks. Use space after comma and period.
structure
Make your conclusion sum up the main ideas clearly.
content
You answer the task and give both problems and solutions.
coherence
You use some linking words to show order.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime
  • rise
  • city
  • problem
  • cause
  • solution
  • plan
  • policy
  • government
  • police
  • law
  • justice
  • society
  • economy
  • money
  • work
  • job
  • school
  • education
  • family
  • youth
  • drugs
  • alcohol
  • health
  • housing
  • safety
  • program
  • support
  • prevent
  • reduce
  • invest
  • build
  • community
  • trust
  • data
  • analysis
What to do next:
Look at other essays: