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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popular in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest.

In recent years, there
could be
Verb problem
has
show examples
seen
Use the right word
been
show examples
 an upward trend of sedentary
lifestyle
Use synonyms
throughout
Change preposition
among
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 residents of different societies, despite a wide range of abilities for self-improvement,
such
Linking Words
 as gyms.
This
Linking Words
 tendency can pose
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
several significant challenges, so I intend to give a brief outline of the main arguments and solutions. One of the main drawbacks is that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals spend their time at the desk or with digital gadgets, which leads to spending hours in a sitting position. Over the past
decade
Add a comma
decade,
show examples
 there were a number of
health
Use synonyms
 problems related
cases
Change preposition
to cases
show examples
 that had
a
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 roots in a sedentary
lifestyle
Use synonyms
. So, an inactive routine results in cardiovascular diseases, obesity and diabetes, which can grow into mental
health
Use synonyms
 breakdown. It is evident that in the not-too-distant
future
Add a comma
future,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue may cause not only detrimental
health
Use synonyms
 problems, but
also
Linking Words
 the government ought to allocate significantly more money
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 medicine.
However
Linking Words
, there are various steps that everyone should take to tackle these problems.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the government and workplaces could promote a healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 by organising workshops with
health
Use synonyms
 experts.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the public campaigns and mass media should raise awareness throughout the young generations in order to build a responsible and reasonable society.
Finally
Linking Words
, individuals must start with small daily habits,
such
Linking Words
 as going up stairs rather than on an elevator, walking to work or using a bicycle more frequently. All things considered, the sedentary
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 is becoming popular, which leads to physical and mental
health
Use synonyms
 issues and rising healthcare costs.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I strongly believe
through
Correct word choice
that through
show examples
 combined efforts by the government, employers and humanity, it is possible to promote a healthier way of living.

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structure
Use simple topic sentences to start each paragraph and keep the idea clear.
language
Check grammar and word choice so phrases are easy to understand and correct.
content
Give a real, clear example to back a point, like a fact or small data.
content
The essay tries to cover both problems and actions.
structure
It uses ordering words (Firstly, Secondly, Finally) to show steps.
language
Some ideas are clear and it shows a good plan of solution.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • contemporary world
  • physical inactivity
  • chronic diseases
  • mental wellbeing
  • healthcare expenditure
  • active transport
  • workplace wellness
  • community engagement
  • public infrastructure
  • preventative measures
  • holistic health
  • exercise regimen
  • nutritional awareness
  • government initiatives
  • public health campaigns
  • screen time
  • lifestyle modification
  • social connectedness
  • educational programs
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