IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Practice 1: These days, the wealthy in society often throw away perfectly good products in order to replace them with more up-to-date models. Do the environmental disadvantages of this development outweigh the economic advantages?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, new forms of
money
Use synonyms
 add various positive values to the transaction and economy.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, many people believe that new methods of payment should face strict regulation and scrutiny to avoid risk. In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend has a lot of positive impact, it should be managed by regulation to ensure safety for consumers.
Firstly
Linking Words
, modern
money
Use synonyms
 technology
such
Linking Words
 as digital payment systems, cryptocurrencies,
Central
Correct word choice
and Central
show examples
 Bank Digital Currencies
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 significant advantages for economic growth by its convenience and efficiency. One obvious advantage is that transactions are able to be processed regardless of location or
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
show examples
. It means that modern monetary
Check wording
systems brings
show examples
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
show examples
 financial inclusion, which allows people access to financial payment without
some
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
complicated stages. In fact, consumption and investment will
become
Correct word order
apply
show examples
rise if these modern remittance services
popular
Correct word order
become popular
show examples
.
For example
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, Momo,
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 popular wallet in Vietnam , allows users to transfer
money
Use synonyms
 easily to reduce the demand for travel to the bank.
However
Linking Words
, in spite of these advantages, modern monetary
can
Check wording
systems can
show examples
 bring about several drawbacks,
such
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 as prising or leaking of information.
This
Linking Words
 means that stricter regulation is necessary to protect consumer benefits.
For instance
Linking Words
, the new
money
Use synonyms
 technology should report to users when they
making
Verb problem
are making
show examples
 suspicious or large payments. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 there are certain negative sides
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 using new digital
money
Use synonyms
, I would argue that it is a positive trend in modern life. In my opinion, there should be clear definitions and strict investigations for the new forms of
money
Use synonyms
.

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development
Make ideas longer and more linked. Add 1-2 strong points with a few clear reasons.
grammar
Fix grammar and word choice, e.g. 'prising' should be 'pricing', 'report to users when they making' should be 'report to users when they make' .
cohesion
Use simple linking words to show order and contrast, like firstly, secondly, however, in addition.
structure
Keep to 4-5 sentences per paragraph and check punctuation to avoid run-on sentences.
idea
Clear position that regulation is needed
example
Good use of a real example (Momo in Vietnam)
structure
Logical flow from advantages to drawbacks and back to conclusion

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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