IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

People use computers more extensively these days than ever before, and it is so extensive in our modern world that even children have access to these devices to play games or watch videos. This essay discusses the disadvantages of playing digital games on computer devices by youngsters and suggests some measures to reduce such negative effects.

Introduction: There is a growing concern about employing computers more widely in daily life than in previous decades, which can have far-reaching consequences to young generation.
This
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 essay will examine the negative impacts of digital games among young people on computer devices and propose viable solutions. Body 1:
To begin
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 with, there are several disadvantages of children accessing modern technology to play game when these become popular in recent times. Directly affect to heath
due to
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 lack of physical activities Weakened metal health, thinking Body 2: To solve these problems, individuals should consider various remedies. Education and awareness Encouraged to do outdoor activities by parents Conclusion: In conclusion, using electronic devices by young people directly affect their comprehensive development of physical and metal health.
Nevertheless
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, with concerted efforts, including parents’ orientation and education, the negative impacts can be reduce on the current generation.

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coherence
Use more full sentences with clear links to show how each idea fits in.
content
Give real examples or details to back up each point.
grammar
Fix grammar and spell words correctly, e.g. health, mental.
lexical
Keep to plain words; avoid hard or big words.
coherence
Use linking words like first, also, and however to connect ideas.
structure
Has an intro, a body, and a conclusion.
content
Shows a plan to give ways to fix the problem.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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