IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A lot of money is spent on repairing old buildings. Instead of repairing old buildings, money should be spent on knocking down old buildings and building new ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that amending
buildings
Use synonyms
 that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been constructed
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 time ago to make them suitable for living is costly, and we should demolish them in order to save
money
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 I concur that repairing old
buildings
Use synonyms
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
 a significant
amount
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
, and in some situations it is better to rebuild them, I think that sometimes demolishing them can have notable drawbacks. At the outset, one of the major reasons why we should construct new
buildings
Use synonyms
 is that the people will benefit financially.
This
Linking Words
 is because constructing new properties is going to require less
money
Use synonyms
.
due to
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
not
Fix capitalization
Not
show examples
 only can modern building materials cost less
amount
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 individuals can earn more dollars from selling the materials that
came
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 from the demolishing process.
This
Linking Words
 will result in saving a substantial
amount
Use synonyms
 of currency. In sharp contrast to
this
Linking Words
, knocking down old structures will have a detrimental effect on the
eco system
Use the right word
ecosystem
show examples
,
as well as
Linking Words
 humans' health, especially in cramped cities. The reason for
this
Linking Words
 is
demolishing
Replace the word
that the demolition
show examples
 process is going to create a tremendous
amount
Use synonyms
 of dust.
Linking Words
this
Fix capitalization
This
show examples
 dust will have
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impact on the green areas around it, and it is going to affect people's health
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 individuals with diseases like asthma.
Linking Words
consequently
Fix capitalization
Consequently
show examples
, the environment and humans'
wellbeing
Use the right word
well-being
show examples
 will deteriorate. The more dust the demolishing process produces, the more the negative impact on our health will be.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though I believe that establishing new
buildings
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of repairing them is beneficial, I think that in some situations we should repair the old ones.

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task response
Be clear about your view on the topic from the first line and keep this view in every paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Make each paragraph start with a clear sentence that gives one main idea, then add why and examples.
coherence cohesion
Use easy link words to show order, contrast, and result like first, also, but, so.
language
Fix grammar and spell mistakes so your meaning is easy to get for the reader.
task response
Give more concrete examples with numbers or facts to show your point.
content
You show both sides of the issue.
content
You give some real life examples such as dust and health effects.
analysis
There is an attempt to weigh costs and gains.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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