IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is considered that youngsters
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different ages have to carry out more responsibilities
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 doing household chores. Others think that
children
Use synonyms
 must
fous
Correct your spelling
focus
 on their schools, and they have to enjoy their leisure
time
Use synonyms
. I concur that young
children
Use synonyms
 should enjoy their own
time
Use synonyms
. At the outset, one significant reason why youngsters need to have some responsibilities is
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
that this
show examples
 job will teach them to enhance their own skills and become adept in a certain area by the
time
Use synonyms
 they grow up, which is
essencial
Correct your spelling
essential
 in recent times. The reason for
this
Linking Words
 is
life
Correct word choice
that life
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 nowadays
carry
Correct subject-verb agreement
carries
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 many hardships and challenges, and
individuals
Use synonyms
 need to provide additional skills for
children
Use synonyms
, so they will be able to face the upcoming hardships.
Consequently
Linking Words
, young
children
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 going to have the ability to face many challenges. The more skills the young
individuals
Use synonyms
 have, the greater the opportunities they will get in the future. In my opinion, young
children
Use synonyms
 should be allowed to enjoy their spare
time
Use synonyms
 and focus only on their
schools
Check wording
studies
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is because fulfilling their own desires
while
Linking Words
 they
still
Verb problem
are still
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 young will have
enormous
Correct article usage
an enormous
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 impact on their future life in a positive way, and it will make them more psychologically stable, so parents must allow their
children
Use synonyms
 to spend enjoyable times.
This
Linking Words
 will result in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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human beings with more confidence than others, who
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not
got
Wrong verb form
get
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 the chance to have a good
time
Use synonyms
 in their upbringing.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
Althoug
Correct your spelling
although
 some
individuals
Use synonyms
 think that young
individuals
Use synonyms
 must experience some work in their early
times
Check wording
years
show examples
, I completely believe that
children
Use synonyms
 have to focus only on studying at school and spend their leisure
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
performing fun activities.

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language
Spelling and word form need care. Use simple, clear sentences and check common mistakes.
content
Give more clear reasons and add real examples to support your view.
structure
Link ideas with easy transitions and start each paragraph with a clear idea.
content
You state a clear view and the task is seen.
organization
There is a simple plan with intro, two body parts and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • extra responsibilities
  • develop skills
  • life lessons
  • work ethic
  • sense of responsibility
  • contribute to
  • family
  • community
  • playtime
  • physical development
  • mental development
  • balance
  • enjoyment
  • guide
  • childhood
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