IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Human activities are causing the extinction of many animal species around the world. Discuss the main causes of animal extinction and suggest possible measures to prevent it.

Nowadays, the
loss
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 of natural
resources
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 has emerged as a significant
issue
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 in many parts of the world, and
this
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 trend is continuing at an alarming rate.
This
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issue
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 arises from a multitude of interconnected factors that have profound implications for both individuals and society.
This
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 leads to environmental degradation, and it is hazardous for animals
due to
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 the collapse of their habitats. There are several reasons observed that cause the
loss
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 of natural
resources
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 throughout most of the world.
Population
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 growth, deforestation, and
pollution
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 are considered major
causes
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 for the
loss
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 of natural
resources
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. Several underlying
causes
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 can be identified, each of which contributes significantly to the
overall
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 problem. From a broader perspective, one major reason is
population
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 growth. The increase in urban
population
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 affects the usage of natural
resources
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.
For instance
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, more people consume more food and use more tools.
Therefore
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, natural reserves may decrease, and after they may become insufficient. What makes
this
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issue
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 especially important is that it stems primarily from deforestation. Many people use paper unconsciously.
Also
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, some individuals start fires in forests unconsciously.
As a result
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, wood
resources
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 decrease because of these issues.
Moreover
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, another major cause of
this
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issue
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 is
pollution
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,
such
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 as water, air, and environmental
pollution
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. These types of
pollution
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 contribute to the death of animals, plants, and marine life.
Therefore
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, governments should take preventive measures against
pollution
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. Ultimately,
this
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issue
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 poses a serious threat
due to
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 several underlying
causes
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. It mainly originates from and is influenced by wider factors
such
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 as contamination, the rise of
population
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, and the destruction of the forests. Understanding the root
causes
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 is essential for developing effective solutions.
Thus
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, the
loss
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 of natural
resources
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 may be prevented by governments and individuals through immediate actions.

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improvement
Add clear, step-by-step ideas to stop the loss of natural resources. Give concrete actions (examples: cut waste, recycle, plant more trees, use less paper, and not to pollute). Show a plan that a government or a group can take.
planning
Make a simple plan for the writing. Start with a short intro that tells the topic and view. Then 2 or 3 body parts each with one idea and a simple example. End with a short conclusion that sums the plan or idea.
grammar
Use short, clear sentences. Check for grammar and fix long sentences. Use common words from the top 100. Keep verbs and nouns in simple form.
content
The essay lists the main causes: population growth, deforestation, and pollution.
coherence
There is some use of linking words such as because, therefore, and moreover.
lexical
The language is easy to read and uses a straightforward style.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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