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I tried to own a large amount of toys can have its benefit and a drawback in your opinion. Do you agree that children should be given a large amount of toys constantly or not?

It is often maintained that
children
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 should not be given a large number of
toys
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.
While
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 some people hold an opposing view, I am firmly convinced that the advantages of owning many
toys
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 clearly outweigh the disadvantages.
This
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 essay will outline the key reasons supporting my stance. The first and perhaps most significant reason is that having a wide variety of
toys
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 helps
children
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 develop important cognitive, mental, and physical skills at an early age.
This
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 is largely
due to
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 the fact that
toys
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 encourage
children
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 to think, create, and interact in ways that stimulate their brains.
For instance
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, puzzles, building blocks, and toy vehicles can sharpen problem-solving abilities and hand-eye coordination.
Such
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 evidence clearly demonstrates why a large collection of
toys
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 can positively contribute to a child’s
overall
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 development. A
further
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 point worth considering is that
toys
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also
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 expand a child’s imagination
while
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 keeping them entertained in a useful way. In essence,
this
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 means that playing with
toys
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 can spark creativity and even inspire future career choices. A notable example can be seen in my cousin, who
as
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, as
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 a small
child
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child,
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 had countless toy cars, trucks, and vehicles. He would spend hours playing, showing them to visitors, and explaining their functions. Over time, his skills improved to the point where he could draw vehicles creatively, and as he grew older, he was inspired to pursue mechanical engineering. In conclusion, despite possible counterarguments, the evidence strongly suggests that the benefits of having a large number of
toys
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 outweigh the drawbacks.
Therefore
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, I firmly believe that
children
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 should be provided with plenty of
toys
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, as these can develop their creativity, imagination, and essential life skills

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improvement
Task response: you take a clear view, but add more on the downside and give more examples to show balance. Also state a short plan or result at the end.
improvement
Coherence: you have a good flow and use small link words. Start each paragraph with a clear line about its main idea, and end with a short wrap up that repeats the main idea.
strength
Clear stance and direct answer.
strength
Good link words like The first ... and In conclusion.
strength
Personal example adds a human touch.
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