IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Obesity is a growing problem in developed nations. What are the reasons for the increase in numbers of very overweight people? What can be done to deal with the problem?

A growing problem in
develop
Wrong verb form
developed
show examples
nations
Punctuation problem
nations,
show examples
Linking Words
while
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the number increases in many countries We will discuss and say how to deal
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 problem .
we
Fix capitalization
We
show examples
 will say the reason
To begin
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 issue
be
Wrong verb form
is becoming
show examples
 more and more important than past .
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 overweight increase from a
lot
Use synonyms
 of reasons
one
Punctuation problem
, one
show examples
 of the reasons it's there is
not
Rephrase
no
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
center
Use the right word
centre
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 in the city.
For example
Linking Words
, there is a man
Correct pronoun usage
who want
show examples
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
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 to do sports to lose some kilos
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 he can'
t
Use synonyms
 because of the gym.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand , if they have more
gym
Punctuation problem
gym,
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 they will go.
Linking Words
Fix capitalization
Also
show examples
also
Add a comma
also,
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 some people didn'
t
Use synonyms
 have time to cook
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
for
Change preposition
so
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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they order unhealthy food to eat and do the work or study because
of
Change preposition
apply
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the manager
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
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 they to finish the work quickly
Punctuation problem
; they
show examples
they haven'
Correct word order
theyn't have
show examples
t
Use synonyms
 time to cook healthy
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 from the homemade . How
they can
Correct word order
can they
show examples
 deal with
this
Linking Words
 problem?
Linking Words
Firstly
Punctuation problem
Firstly,
show examples
 don'
t
Use synonyms
 let
your
Correct pronoun usage
yourself
show examples
 self
with out
Use the right word
without
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 care in your health
the
Punctuation problem
. the
show examples
 overweight can
let
Verb problem
lead
show examples
 you
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
lot
Use synonyms
 of issues
Punctuation problem
,
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like heart disease.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if you don'
t
Use synonyms
 want to go out and do sports
Punctuation problem
,
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you can do some exercise
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
your
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
home
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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walk
Replace the word
walking
show examples
 or something like
this
Linking Words
 .
At the end
Linking Words
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a
lot
Use synonyms
 of solutions to control the overweight in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quiet
Use the right word
quite
show examples
 a
lot
Use synonyms
 of countries. Add more gym,
Saving
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 meals
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them ,
Awareness
Verb problem
raise Awareness
show examples
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
about the world.

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structure
Plan your essay. Start with a short intro that restates the topic and ends with what you will say.
structure
Use a clear plan: one idea per paragraph, a body with two to three ideas, and a short conclusion.
grammar
Fix bad grammar. Check verb form and subject-verb link. Read aloud to hear mistakes.
coherence
Link ideas with easy words like first, next, also, but, because, for example.
lexical
Give simple examples that fit the reason or fix more closely.
content
The writer tries to talk about causes and fixes.
content
Some real examples about gym access and busy life are given.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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