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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the amount of energy generated by wind in four countries in the period 1980-2000.

The graph below shows the amount of energy generated by wind in four countries in the period 1980-2000.
The
bart
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bar
 chart compares how much
energy
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 was generated by wind in four
countries
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 between 1980 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
megawatts
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 of
produced
Correct word order
energy produced
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energy
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 by wind increased generally among all
countries
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.
Energy
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 production in India was generally lower compared to other
countries
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,
while
Linking Words
 the United States generated the most of amount of
energy
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. As the graph shows, the amount
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of generated
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generated
Correct word order
energy generated
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energy
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 in India started at 200
megawatts
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 in 1985 and reached
to
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apply
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1200
megawatts
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 throughout
period
Correct article usage
the period
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 by growing moderately.
As a result
Linking Words
, the amount of produced
energy
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 in Germany witnessed the lowest results in 2000,
while
Linking Words
 it was a bit higher between 1985 and 1990 and equal
with
Change preposition
to
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 800
megawatss
Correct your spelling
megawatts
, compared to India.
By contrast
Linking Words
, Denmark started production of
energy
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 with 200
megawatts
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 in 1995 and experienced a rapid growth to around 1600
megawatts
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, which was the most
energy
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 produced
country
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apply
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in 2000. Coming into,
energy
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 production in the United States
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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showed the highest results in
range
Correct article usage
the range
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 of between 1200
megawatts
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 and 1600
megawatts
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 in 1985 and in 1995.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 it
exprienced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 a slight decline to 1500
megawatts
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, which caused
being
Wrong verb form
it to be
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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the second rate among other
countries
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, countries, megawatts with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Renewable energy
  • Turbine
  • Megawatt (MW)
  • Gigawatt (GW)
  • Sustainable
  • Energy generation
  • Growth pattern
  • Milestone
  • Significant growth spurts
  • Stagnation
  • Production capacity
  • Energy policy
  • Investment in renewable energy
  • Technological advances
  • Environmental impact
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