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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph belows show the average number of UK commuters travelling each day by car, train or bus between 1970 and 2030.

The graph belows show the average number of UK commuters travelling each day by car, train or bus between 1970 and 2030.
The line graph illustrates the comparison of
people
Use synonyms
 travelling
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
 by car,
train
Use synonyms
 or
bus
Use synonyms
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 from 1970 to 2030.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is observed that
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 travelling by car increases each
year
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
train
Correct article usage
the train
show examples
 overtakes the
bus
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
as
show examples
 becoming second
favourite
Correct word choice
most popular
show examples
 transport among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
UK residents. In
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 1970,
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of commuters travelling by car increased gradually and in 1990, it reached almost
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
6
million
Use synonyms
 travellers.
While
Linking Words
 in 2000 nearly 7
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 had their own cars
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 for
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 10 years, it remained constant. In 2010 and 2020, it stayed at 8
million
Use synonyms
 and
predicted
Verb problem
is predicted
show examples
 to reach
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
9
million
Use synonyms
 in 2030.
Initially
Linking Words
, in
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 1970,
bus
Use synonyms
 travellers were at 4
million
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
train
Use synonyms
 visitors were 2
million
Use synonyms
.During 1980,
people
Use synonyms
 travelling in
Use synonyms
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
show examples
 remained constant
while
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 there was a slight growth in
train
Use synonyms
 commuters.From
Use synonyms
year
Check wording
apply
show examples
1990, there was a decrease in
people
Use synonyms
 commuting by
bus
Use synonyms
. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand,
Train
Use synonyms
 commuters
acclerated
Correct your spelling
accelerated
 slightly
year
Use synonyms
 after
year
Use synonyms
 and reached 4
million
Use synonyms
 in 2010 and
reaching at
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 5
million
Use synonyms
 in 2030.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, train, bus, year, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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