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Writing Samples
Band 5

In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out of work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parent’s absence.

In
this
Linking Words
 modern world,
both
Use synonyms
parents
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 are
doing
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
work
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 outside
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 people
are having
Wrong verb form
have
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different views about
this
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 trend. I personally believe that it is a positive trend
overall
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
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 there are some drawbacks if
both
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parents
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do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work
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 outside, but the benefits outweigh
demerits
Correct article usage
the demerits
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. On one side, some people believe that
children
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 feel lonely and disturbed because they get less attention and
time
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 from their
parents
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.
Parents
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 have a hectic schedule
due to
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work
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and
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, and
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 they do not have a good
time
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 and mindset to play , spend some quality
time
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 with their
children
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. Even though working
parents
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 hire maids or nannies for their babies but
still
Correct word order
children still
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children
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 feel negligence in the absence of their elders. Sometimes
children
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 feel anxiety and depression because they feel isolated.
For example
Linking Words
, in Canada ,
both
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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parents
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 are
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
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, so
usually
Rephrase
apply
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children
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's upbringing done by the child care centres ,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is why
children
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 do not have a good bond with their
parents
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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instead
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of
Change preposition
apply
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that they love their nannies more. On the other side , most people believe that it is a good and positive thing if
both
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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parents
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 are working because they are doing hard
work
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 so that their
children
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's future
being
Wrong verb form
is
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 secure. Working
parents
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 can afford better education, a good house and better facilities for their
children
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
parents
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 who
work
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 outside have a lot of knowledge and experience
they
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 can
guide
Verb problem
help guide
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 their
children
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 better in the future . I strongly believe that it
a
Verb problem
is a
show examples
positive development if
both
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parents
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 are working and earning money for their better life , but it is
also
Linking Words
 mandatory to balance
both
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 the aspects of life
personal
Punctuation problem
, personal
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 and professional.
For instance
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 , some
parents
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 are running families better even
they
Correct word choice
though they
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 are doing
work
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 outside because they give half and half
time
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 to
both
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work
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 and family . In conclusion, it is a good option to
work
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 outside by
both
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 the
parents
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, but they have to learn the skill of
time
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 management and how they can devote their equal
weightage
Check wording
amount
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 of
time
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 to
work
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 and
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children
Correct pronoun usage
their children
show examples
 .

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structure
Break the essay into clear parts: introduction, body, and conclusion. Use one idea per paragraph and link sentences.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling to reduce errors like 'it a' or mis-spaces.
vocabulary
Use simple and clear words. Avoid long, hard sentences.
content
Give more real, specific examples and explain how they back up your point.
task response
Make your main view clear in the opening and restate it at the end.
ideas
You show both sides and give your own view.
structure
There is a clear pattern of intro, body, and conclusion.
content
You try to give examples to support your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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