IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to vaccinate their children? You should use your ideas, knowledge, and experience, and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
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 the question of
vaccination
Use synonyms
 plays a critical role in society. The low about
vaccination
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 was debated for a long time, and even
now
Punctuation problem
now,
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 some families have doubts about it. In my opinion, it is a controversial question because it depends on many predictions and the type of illness (first of all, how many resources already exist). On the one hand, I can understand the worries of parents about
vaccination
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, because even in science
articles
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articles,
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 they can find information about side effects and consequences of the same kind of vaccine.
For
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example
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example,
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 in Ukraine, with a new law, the government is strongly recommending getting the vaccine from COVID for babies from 0 to 6 months, without previous resources.
On the other hand
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, we as a humanity can prove that the vaccine has already saved a lot of lives, and it is important not only to the person but
also
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 for the development of group immunity. As a psychologist, I can
claryfi
Correct your spelling
clarify
 that it is a fact that the first year of living is the most important for mental development and for the creation of neural links in the brain. That's why it is important to use
vaccination
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 for the newborn very carefully with the competing level of risk and alternative. As a mom, I know how important to use vaccinations
Linking Words
for
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, for
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example
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example,
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 from influenza during the school period, or from extremely lethal illnesses. In conclusion, I can say that
vaccination
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 is necessary for all people after the first year
and
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, and
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 the government must
organize
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organise
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, control, and
legalize
Use the right word
legalise
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this
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 process.

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planning
Plan your essay with a clear plan before you write. Start with a simple intro that states your view. Then give 2 or 3 main points with small facts or ideas. Finish with a short conclusion that restates your view.
coherence
Keep one voice in your writing. Do not jump between 'I am a psychologist' and 'as a mum' without a clear reason.
content
Use more real facts or clear examples. If you mention laws or events, be exact and brief.
grammar
Check grammar and spell common words. Use simple, correct sentence forms.
content
The essay sticks to the topic of vaccination and its use.
structure
It shows a clear stance that government may have a role.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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