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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people spend a lot of time and money on watching films and TV shows, either at home or in cinemas. This can have a negative impact on their health, budget, and lifestyle. What are the causes and effects of this phenomenon? How can it be prevented or reduced?

It is true that most individuals love to spend their hard-earned money on watching movies, and shows on TV or in the cinema , which badly affects their health and budget and
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 too.
This
Linking Words
 happens
due to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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technological advancements and having stress-buster
activities
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 .I think
people
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 should be encouraged towards physical
activities
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 , and limit their screen
time
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 as well. One of the main reasons
of
Change preposition
apply
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people
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 watch films or TV in theatres or at home
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due
Verb problem
is due
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 to the rapid advancements in technology. Now technology grabs the attention of the public by promoting advanced features in movies,
such
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 as having animations, 3D images.
As a result
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 , they become lethargic and opt for an inactive
lifestyle
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 .
Moreover
Linking Words
 , movies are considered entertainment
activities
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 , and most
people
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 love to watch their favourite shows, which helps to reduce their stress level, and they feel more energetic.
Consequently
Linking Words
 , they spent their hard-earned money from their parents on buying streaming plans or cinema tickets. I think
,
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this
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 problem can be sorted out by taking some effective measures. Parents can keep an eye on their children
,
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 and try to spend most of their
time
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 with them. In
this
Linking Words
 way, they not only limit their screen
time
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,
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but
also
Linking Words
 build stronger relationships.
Secondly
Linking Words
 , some physical activity is essential to lead a healthier
lifestyle
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 . So,
people
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 should be encouraged to participate in physical
activities
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 ,
such
Linking Words
 as exercise, yoga, running, swimming, and football, etcetera.
To sum up
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 , no doubt, cinema plays a significant role in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, but it
also
Linking Words
 has detrimental effects on individuals' health and
lifestyle
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 ,
such
Linking Words
 as spending money on buying subscriptions, and becoming obese by getting advanced features of technology at home. These problems can be mitigated by motivating them towards physical exercises
,
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apply
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 and lessening their screen
time
Use synonyms
 as well.

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task
State clear causes, effects, and steps to cut screen use. Add one or two exact examples to support points.
coherence
Use simple linking words to show how ideas connect, and keep sentences short to avoid confusion.
grammar
Check grammar and punctuation. Use a mix of simple sentences and some longer ones but avoid run-on thoughts.
structure
Focus on one idea per paragraph. Start with a topic sentence and finish with a short note.
lexical
Keep to common words. Do not use hard words; show you can explain with plain talk.
content
The essay tries to cover causes, effects, and solutions.
structure
There is a clear plan with introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence
Some good use of linking words

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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