IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experiences and developing soft skill is more important. Discuss both view and give ur opinion

It is often believed that completing
Use synonyms
University
Correct article usage
a University
show examples
 Education is the best way
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to get a
job
Use synonyms
,
whiles
Replace the word
while
show examples
 others think that getting
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 and developing soft
skills
Use synonyms
 is more essential.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 an opinion will be given in
subsequent
Correct article usage
the subsequent
show examples
 paragraph. On the one hand,it is an undeniable fact that acquiring a
bachelors
Check wording
bachelor's
show examples
 degree gives
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 to youngsters to acquire
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
most schools educate
people
Use synonyms
 and broaden their scopes in their
field
Use synonyms
 of
work
Use synonyms
giving
Punctuation problem
, giving
show examples
 them the advantage to be hired by employers.
For instance
Linking Words
,if someone wants to become a medical laboratory scientist,they undergo a
four year
Use the right word
four-year
show examples
 training course
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
university
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 helps them to acquire more
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 both theoretically and practically about the human blood and microorganisms that affect the human body.As a
results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
show examples
,it gives them more
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 to be employed in every
field
Use synonyms
 in the lab.
This
Linking Words
 clearly shows why
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 plays a role in acquiring
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,acquiring more
experience
Use synonyms
 and developing
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
soft
skills
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 plays a crucial role in acquiring jobs.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of jobs in recent times
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 with
experience
Use synonyms
in
Linking Words
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
field
Use synonyms
 of
work
Use synonyms
.A good example is being a phlebotomist.
This
Linking Words
job
Use synonyms
 role needs
people
Use synonyms
 with more
experience
Use synonyms
 and soft
skills
Use synonyms
giving
Punctuation problem
, giving
show examples
 them good opportunities to be hired.
People
Use synonyms
 interested in
this
Linking Words
 profession only undergo a short course to qualify for
this
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
.
A research
Correct determiner usage
Research
show examples
 conducted by the
Use synonyms
university
Fix capitalization
University
show examples
 of
cape coast
Fix capitalization
Cape Coast
show examples
 revealed that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who acquire soft
skills
Use synonyms
 have more
experience
Use synonyms
 and are good at what they do. To recapitulate,even though education helps
broadens
Wrong verb form
broaden
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's knowledge,gaining soft
skills
Use synonyms
 gives
people
Use synonyms
 more
experience
Use synonyms
 in their
field
Use synonyms
 of
work
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,the writer believes that education and acquiring soft
skills
Use synonyms
 are both necessary
depending
Punctuation problem
, depending
show examples
 on the kind of
work
Use synonyms

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

planning
Plan what you want to say on a small map. Make a short plan before you write.
organization
Start each paragraph with a clear idea and keep to one main point in each paragraph.
development
Give strong and specific examples. Explain why they show your point.
structure
The essay tries to cover both sides and ends with a view.
cohesion
It uses on the one hand and on the other hand to show contrast.
argument
There is a clear opinion at the end.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • theoretical knowledge
  • specialized skills
  • networking opportunities
  • industry professionals
  • practical experience
  • soft skills
  • communication
  • teamwork
  • problem-solving abilities
  • boot camps
  • vocational training
  • personal development
  • career paths
  • employability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: