IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that what children watch on television influence behavior other say that amount of time they spend on television influence thie behavior

Some
are
Verb problem
apply
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think that what kids consume from TV
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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effect
Use the right word
affects
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on
Change preposition
apply
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their habits
Punctuation problem
, other
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 accept that
how
Rephrase
apply
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much quantity of
time
Use synonyms
 they spend on TV
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
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thie
Correct your spelling
their
 conduct
in
Punctuation problem
. In
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 my opinion,
Use synonyms
time
Use the right word
the
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 vast on watching
screen
Correct article usage
the screen
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 is more harmful for
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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 On one side of the argument there are the people who hold the opinion that content absorb from TV has impact on children behavior the most compelling reason for holding
this
Linking Words
 view if young ones watch bad content like adult, smoking, alcohol and all
such
Linking Words
 type of things ultimately its outcome very disastrous for them
furthermore
Linking Words
, bad mind set developed in the child
whereas
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 harmful for him in the result they may take interest in the criminal or these
such
Linking Words
 type of activities Despite the above argument, I am of the view that wasting
time
Use synonyms
 on the screen is much dangerous for little one because in
this
Linking Words
 way the damage their health and got a huge amount of disease with himself some are weakness of eye sight, diabetes, heart issues and brain damage
in addition
Linking Words
 they give no attention on study and may
also
Linking Words
 effect on focus doing
such
Linking Words
 these habits outcome in poor academic performance and discipline
To conclude
Linking Words
, if children watch unusual or bad content and
also
Linking Words
devil mind
Use the right word
a devilish mindset
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 set
this
Linking Words
 may hardly impact
Punctuation problem
. On
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on the other
Linking Words
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
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 if they spend more
Use synonyms
time
Punctuation problem
time,
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 they get a lot of health issues and
reduces
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduce
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 attention and lack
of
Change preposition
apply
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discipline
in
Punctuation problem
. In
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 my recommendation
parents
Punctuation problem
, parents
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 must watch their
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
 activities for better results

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task response
Plan your essay. Start with a short line that says what you talk about. Then give 2 or 3 clear ideas in the body. End with your view in a simple sentence.
coherence
Make link words to show how ideas go. Use first, next, also, but, so, in summary. This helps the flow.
structure
The essay tries to show both sides.
content
The idea of harm to health and study is clear.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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