IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, governments pay for children's education in part or in full, acknowledging the expensive costs of this level of education. I believe that this policy brings about more advantages than disadvantages.

Public authorities compensate young people for
Use synonyms
education
Correct pronoun usage
their education
show examples
 in many countries across the globe.
While
Linking Words
 it presents both benefits and drawbacks, I firmly believe that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 outweigh the disadvantages.
This
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 essay will outline both perspectives before supporting
this
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 view. Considering the merits, everyone gets the opportunity to pursue their dreams despite the financial status of family.
This
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further
Linking Words
 develops the sense of equality among citizens
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 all the brilliant minds could study together without thinking about fee payment.
Moreover
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, sometimes the hardworking students are forced to drop
Change preposition
out of the
show examples
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 studies because they are unable to pay the university
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
.
Whereas
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 if the government
will cover
Wrong verb form
covers
show examples
 the educational
charges
Punctuation problem
charges,
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then
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 those students would be able to finish
the
Correct article usage
apply
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college and embrace their dreams. Probing
further
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, the discrimination between poor and rich people will
be vanished
Wrong verb form
vanish
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.
For instance
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, many top universities extend offer letters to the children of well-known families because they will be able to donate money.
On the other hand
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, the talented young minds have no other opportunity than to study in local or public colleges.
Additionally
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, the scholars will respect the government and other public organisations and will do their best to build a strong and developed economy
instead
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 of leaving the country for better
education
Use synonyms
. On the flip side, the students start to indulge in illegal activities
instead
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 of focusing on
education
Use synonyms
. They believe that they are not paying for
degree
Correct article usage
a degree
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 if they
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 pass that exam
this
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 year, they can do it next year. They will eventually exploit the funding provided by the authorities, which could be used for other important purposes like generating employment, investing in renewable resources and climate change
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc
show examples
.
Therefore
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,
while
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 these disadvantages exist, they are relatively minor and manageable
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
based on the benefits. In conclusion,
although
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 the government
spending
Wrong verb form
spends
show examples
 money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 of children has its drawbacks, the benefits
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as unity,
fair
Correct article usage
a fair
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 chance
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 everyone, and
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
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 of
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
nation
Punctuation problem
nation,
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 are far more significant.
For
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this
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 reason, I strongly believe that the advantages outnumber its disadvantages.

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structure
Plan your essay. Start with a short intro that states your view, then two or three body parts that each hold one main idea with a reason or example, and finish with a simple conclusion.
coherence
Use clear linking words to move ideas. Words like first, also, but, for example help the read find your path.
grammar
Make sentences shorter and check grammar. Pay attention to subject and verb and keep tense alike.
examples
Add more real and clear examples to back your points. This makes your view stronger.
language
Use simple, exact words. Avoid long or tricky phrases that can be hard to read.
content
Your view is clear and you state it at the start.
structure
There is a structure with an intro, body, and conclusion.
content
You use some good ideas about fairness and progress.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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