IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Museums and art galleries should concentrate on works that show history and culture of their own country rather than works of the other parts in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that museums and art galleries should focus more on works that
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
Use synonyms
history
Correct article usage
the history
show examples
 and
culture
Use synonyms
 of their own country
instead
Linking Words
 of works
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 different parts of the world.The writer strongly agrees with the notion. First of all,it is an undeniable fact that displaying more of
one
Use synonyms
's own
culture
Use synonyms
 and
history
Use synonyms
 helps people understand and value their
culture
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
the more people see and hear about their arts
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 more they will get to know and appreciate the
culture
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,in African countries
such
Linking Words
 as
Ghana
Punctuation problem
Ghana,
show examples
 where they have rich
culture
Use synonyms
 being displayed often in tourist sites,the people
values
Correct subject-verb agreement
value
show examples
 and
understands
Correct subject-verb agreement
understand
show examples
 the
culture
Use synonyms
 and
history
Use synonyms
 more.
As a result
Linking Words
,they do not tolerate any form of disrespect against their
history
Use synonyms
 from other continents since
the
Use the right word
they
show examples
 know a lot and
appreciates
Correct subject-verb agreement
appreciate
show examples
 their cultural heritage.
This
Linking Words
 clearly shows why
focus
Correct article usage
the focus
show examples
 should be shifted more
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
one
Use synonyms
's own
culture
Use synonyms
Additionally
Linking Words
,concentrating more on
one
Use synonyms
's own
culture
Use synonyms
 helps attract tourists to the nation.
This
Linking Words
 is because,when the
culture
Use synonyms
 of a specific country is being displayed often through media and the
news
Punctuation problem
news,
show examples
 it helps foreigners develop more desire to come visit
such
Linking Words
 places.As a
results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
show examples
,the government is able to generate revenue from monies used by tourists to develop tourist sites
such
Linking Words
 as museums and art galleries.
A research
Correct determiner usage
Research
show examples
 conducted by students
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
university
Fix capitalization
University
show examples
 of
cape coast
Fix capitalization
Cape Coast
show examples
 revealed that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
tourism has rapidly increased over the past few years
due to
Linking Words
 the trend of showing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
one
Check wording
one's
show examples
 own
culture
Use synonyms
. To recapitulate,concentrating on
owns
Verb problem
one's
show examples
 own
culture
Use synonyms
 helps citizens learn,understand and value
Use synonyms
one's
Check wording
their
show examples
culture
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 attracts tourists
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the nation.
Therefore
Linking Words
,the writer strongly agrees that more attention should be given to
one
Use synonyms
's own
culture
Use synonyms

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development
Add more clear main points and explain each with one or two examples.
coherence
Use simple linking words to connect sentences and show how ideas relate.
grammar
Check grammar and punctuation; fix run on sentences and spacing.
evidence
Give more evidence from real museums or history to back claims.
content
The writer shows a clear view on the topic.
evidence
There are some examples used to support the view.
structure
There is basic plan with an intro, body and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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