IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is sometimes possible to pay somebody to do things you don't want to do, or don't have time to do, for example, household chores or looking after children. Is this a good way of providing work for others? Should people do these things themselves? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Undoubtedly,
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 of
parents
Use synonyms
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lack of
time
Use synonyms
 to deal with their house chores in today's world.
Thus
Linking Words
, these people prefer to hire
third
Correct article usage
a third
show examples
 person to complete their
work
Use synonyms
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
organise
Wrong verb form
organising
show examples
 the house and taking care of
children
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 is a positive trend to offer employment to others,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 should manage all these things
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss some points to support my view in the upcoming paragraphs. It is a suitable development as it
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 employment to informal workers and
aid
Fix the agreement mistake
aids
show examples
to address
Change preposition
in addressing
show examples
 the increasing issue of unemployment, because
due to
Linking Words
workaholic
Correct article usage
a workaholic
show examples
 lifestyle and having the endless desire to earn more money,
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 are working long hours, spending most of their valuable
time
Use synonyms
 at
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, after working numerous hours, people generally feel tired and do not have enough
time
Use synonyms
 and energy left to do household tasks. In
this
Linking Words
 case, they recruit others to
work
Use synonyms
 for them in cooking, cleaning, and looking after their
children
Use synonyms
, which directly
mitigate
Correct subject-verb agreement
mitigates
show examples
 the unemployment rates.
For example
Linking Words
, almost eighty
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 of both
parents
Use synonyms
 in certain
european
Fix capitalization
European
show examples
 countries
work
Use synonyms
 and appoint babysitters for their adolescents
Although
Linking Words
 hiring caregivers is beneficial for both
party
Fix the agreement mistake
parties
show examples
Use synonyms
parents
Punctuation problem
, parents
show examples
 and
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 who
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 for them, the upbringing of
children
Use synonyms
 should be done by their
parents
Use synonyms
, because it not only
strenghten
Correct your spelling
strengthens
 the bonding between them but
also
Linking Words
assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
show examples
to transfer
Change preposition
in transferring
show examples
 their
ritual
Fix the agreement mistake
rituals
show examples
 and culture.
In other words
Linking Words
, when
parents
Use synonyms
 look after their
children
Use synonyms
 and spend their valuable
time
Use synonyms
 with them, it definitely
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
show examples
 the attraction and
build
Correct subject-verb agreement
builds
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 strong
relationshoip
Correct your spelling
relationship
 with their
children
Use synonyms
, even
it
Correct word choice
if it
show examples
 is easy to teach the youth about important moral values like
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 honesty, respect, and kindness
as well as
Linking Words
 rituals by celebrating traditional activities with
children
Use synonyms
 physically.
For instance
Linking Words
, through performing rituals in
cultural
Correct article usage
a cultural
show examples
 festival,
parents
Use synonyms
 explain the history or exact meaning behind the celebration and
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 understand their cultural roots. In conclusion, paying money by some people to others for organising their house and caring
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 is profitable for both as it
save
Correct subject-verb agreement
saves
show examples
 the
time
Use synonyms
 of employers and
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
the employment to
Correct word order
employment to the
show examples
 masses who
work
Use synonyms
 for them. Still,
parents
Use synonyms
 should do their tasks by themselves to teach about cultural and moral values to their
childern
Correct your spelling
children
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Fix grammar and spelling errors to make the text easy to read.
style
Use shorter, plain sentences. This helps readers follow your ideas.
structure
Make one idea per paragraph and connect ideas with simple words like and, but, also, then.
content
Give true and clear examples. Avoid big data you are not sure about.
task response
Balance your view. Explain both sides, then give your own view clearly.
structure
Finish with a clear conclusion that restates your view.
content
You show a view and try to discuss both sides.
structure
You have an introduction and a conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment opportunities
  • Economic contribution
  • Specialization
  • Efficiency
  • Work-life balance
  • Productivity
  • Leisure time
  • Stress reduction
  • Quality of work
  • Trained professionals
  • Dependency
  • Life skills
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Accomplishment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: