IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In today's contemporary society,
people
Use synonyms
 are arguing
wheter
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whether
 or not child development
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
media
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,
popculture
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pop culture
 and
friends
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.  Some
people
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 opine that family play the most
significat
Correct your spelling
significant
 role. On the one hand,
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 and
friends
Use synonyms
 have a strong impact on
children
Use synonyms
 today.  Young
people
Use synonyms
 spent many hours on social
media
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,
televison
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television
 and online games.  They try to follow how celebrities
acts
Correct subject-verb agreement
act
show examples
, dress, talk or behave. 
In addition
Linking Words
,
friends
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also
Linking Words
effect
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affect
show examples
on
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apply
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the
children
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 because they
wants
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want
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 to be accepted in a group or want to have many
friends
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. 
For example
Linking Words
, teenagers
star
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start
show examples
 to smoke
ecause
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because
 the group that he/she stay
may
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with may
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 smoke.  These can make the
children
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 change their own lifestyle and personality.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a large number of
people
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 argue that family is the most important
influencess
Correct your spelling
influence
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
children
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.  Parents are
the usually
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usually the
show examples
people
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 who teach how to stay in the environment
and
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, and
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 parents are the first
teacher
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teachers
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 for the
children
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. 
In addition
Linking Words
, family can guide
children
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 to make
a
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apply
show examples
good choices and give
the
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apply
show examples
love
which
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that
show examples
media
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 and
friends
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 can't give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
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. 
For instance
Linking Words
, a child who
grow
Correct subject-verb agreement
grows
show examples
 up with a caring family will have more confidence and
stronger
Correct article usage
a stronger
show examples
 character. In my opinion, both sides have negative and positive effects. 
However
Linking Words
, if the
childen
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children
knows
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know
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 what is right or
wong
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wrong
show examples
 and
knows
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know
show examples
 how to adjust the time
it
Punctuation problem
, it
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 will not have any effect on
a
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the
show examples
children
Use synonyms
.

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improvement
Plan a short intro that says the topic and what you will show in the essay.
improvement
Make your view clear in one line in the first part and restate in the end.
improvement
Use simple link words like and, but, also to tie ideas and to show how they go.
improvement
improvement
Check spell and form in words you use and keep to one idea in each part.
content
You try to show both sides of the issue.
content
You end with your own view.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • development
  • media
  • pop culture
  • peers
  • family
  • social skills
  • beliefs
  • values
  • emotional support
  • moral guidance
  • aspirations
  • self-image
  • social development
  • value system
  • harmony
  • conflict
  • significant
  • behaviors
What to do next:
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