IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some think that competition at school, work, and in daily life is a good thing. Others think that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The topic of competing against each other has been controversial. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
competition
Use synonyms
 in daily life is a good thing for being successful
persons
Check wording
apply
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
 I agree with those who think that
cooperation
Use synonyms
 is more important. On the one hand, it is commonly believed that
people
Use synonyms
 who challenge their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 get more advantages and success. One of the most reasons is that top students or employees in the present always keep challenging themselves to
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 version than yesterday ,which
leading
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 them to achieve their career
because
Check wording
goals because
show examples
grade
Fix the agreement mistake
grades
show examples
 and
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 show
performance
Correct article usage
the performance
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
if they can complete it all or
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 better
that
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
 will lead them to
promote
Wrong verb form
be promoted
show examples
for
Change preposition
as
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employees and get better universities for
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the latest research conducted by Kasetsart University, it revealed that 80% of students who work hard and continuously beat themselves tend to
success
Verb problem
achieve success
show examples
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 more than the other groups who do not keep challenging to be
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 version.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it
seem
Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
show examples
 to me that
cooperation
Use synonyms
have vital
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 more
than
Check wording
value than
show examples
keep
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fighting with everything. The most significant reason is the fact that teamwork
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 every
Use synonyms
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 to be
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 and
friendship
Check wording
fosters friendship
show examples
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 each other. To illustrate, Chelsea football club help each other to bring top performance from each other to compete other team. In
recent
Correct article usage
a recent
show examples
 educational journal, it has been cited that the most effective way to win against
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 team is
cooperation
Use synonyms
not
Punctuation problem
, not
show examples
competition
Use synonyms
 from each other players. In conclusion, having considered both sides of
this
Linking Words
 issue
Linking Words
although
Punctuation problem
, although
show examples
competition
Use synonyms
 is
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 thing because it brings more competency, I agree with those who think
cooperation
Use synonyms
 is better to achieve their goals as
Correct article usage
a footballs
show examples
footballs
Fix the agreement mistake
football
show examples
 team that
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
cooperation
Use synonyms
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
competition
Use synonyms
 from each other.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
Plan your essay before you write. Make a clear plan with idea order.
grammar
Use short, clear sentences and fix big grammar errors.
coherence
Link ideas with simple connect words so the swap from one idea to next is easy.
content
Give strong, easy examples that fit each point.
structure
The writer tries to show both sides and gives a final view.
structure
There is a basic plan with intro, two body parts and a end.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: