IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people like to work in a company which offers high salary. Some others think that it is good to work in a company which offers a good working atmosphere. What is your opinion? Discuss both the views with examples.

Some individuals prefer to
work
Use synonyms
 in
companies
Use synonyms
 which provide high
Use synonyms
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
 others believe that it is good to
work
Use synonyms
 in a
company
Use synonyms
 which offers a good working atmosphere.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate on both views
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 an opinion will be given in
subsequent
Correct article usage
the subsequent
show examples
 paragraph On the one hand,it is an undeniable fact that finding a job which gives
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
 is very important because it reduces the financial burden on people.
Companies
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 which
pays
Correct subject-verb agreement
pay
show examples
 employees high rates
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 a lot since money is important in everyday life.When someone is being paid well,they are able to provide for all their basic needs and
also
Linking Words
 cater for their families
as well
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,a man who works in an industry and is being paid
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a high
salary
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 is always able to feed their family to satisfaction.
This
Linking Words
 clearly shows why it is necessary to choose a job that pays
off
Change preposition
apply
show examples
well
Additionally
Linking Words
,when a
company
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 offers
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
,it helps workers to be passionate and enthusiastic about their jobs.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
many people get happy when they receive a good
salary
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.
As a result
Linking Words
,they
work
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 passionately at
work
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 improves productivity in the
company
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.A study revealed that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
companies
Use synonyms
 which
offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
show examples
 high
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salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
encourages
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourage
show examples
 members to
work
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 very hard.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,working in places where there
are
Verb problem
is are
show examples
 good working atmosphere helps employees to have sound and peace of mind.
This
Linking Words
 is because,when an institution or
company
Use synonyms
 has good working conditions,workers
work
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 peacefully without any stress.A good example is in the health sector.Health professionals need a serene environment to perform their roles.
This
Linking Words
 is crucial since it involves saving human lives.Any form of distraction that costs the peace of any health worker will affect their performance In conclusion,even though people need peace of mind to
work
Use synonyms
 but it is very important to consider
companies
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 that offer high
Use synonyms
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 to help with financial burden and motivate one to
work
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
,the writer believes that it is more important to consider
companies
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 pay high
Use synonyms
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples

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task
Your answer fits the task, but give more clear and full ideas for each point.
coherence
Use link words to make flow. Shorter sentences help.
structure
Divide the text into clear parts: intro, body, and conclusion; each part has one big idea.
content
Give more precise or real examples; do not rely only on general statements.
task response
You state both sides and give a view.
structure
There is a simple plan: intro, body, and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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